Killing Chris

Part Three: Finale

I was finally free from the bonds of institutional cages. As I was escorted to the front doors of the prison by the warden I imagined what it would be like with my parents after they realized they let me get sent to a psychiatric hospital under false charges. I walked will little hope of my life actually improving but if I was gonna die, at least I wouldn't die locked up in here. 

The guards opened the front door and I walked out, my picture in one hand, my sorrow in the other. My parents stood by the car as I walked out to them. My mom's hands were on her face and she smiled in excitement, my dad didn't even bother leaving the car. My mother ran up to me her arms opened wide. She wrapped me up in her arms pulling me into her.

"Oh Honey I'm so glad to see you, I always knew they were wrong about you...I'm so sorry" She said to me as she squeezed me tighter. 

I hugged her back, she reminded me of what it felt like to be hugged again. I'd been missing that from my life for so long. I hugged her back crying, it felt like an instant weight off my chest.

"Come, come." She said cheerfully escorting me to the car.

She nudged me into the car and when I was situated my dad started the car and we started on our journey home. I'll spare you the boring details of the car ride home. My mom asked me questions about my time in prison despite my attempt at getting her off the topic. As if I didn't have enough bad memories to think about already. When we got home my mom escorted me inside like I forgot the inside of our house.

I had a feeling that they saw me as emotionally damaged and that they needed to help me with everything because I wasn't capable myself. It was exhausting walking around that house with my parents coddling me at every turn. At night, my parents locked my door from the outside with a new lock they installed because they were worried I was gonna have a psychotic episode and leave the house without even knowing. They didn't understand my condition but I didn't blame them, I didn't really either. 

Maybe they were doing what was best for me treating me like a bomb that was about to go off. It made me realize something soon after I returned home... that when I went off and I destroyed everything in my wake, I didn't want my parents in the blast radius. As the days went on and my parents only got worse I knew that their attempt to cram my jumbled mind back together was only gonna make me explode faster. I had to get out...before it was too late.

I won't add their names to the list of people I have gotten killed...I can't. I'm afraid that every new day brings another chance for me to forget, forget all those I've loved. When I forget I can't be anywhere near here. It took me quite a while to leave after I had these initial thoughts, I missed the unconditional compassion and love. 

One day at random a visitor came knocking on my door, to my surprise it was Lake's mother. I remembered the last encounter I had with her outside the courthouse, so much pain that memory harbors. The looks from Lake's parents pierced my heart worse than any blade. His mom's eyes filled so full of sorrow and sadness that it spilled into the area around her. I thought she hated me... and I was okay with that.

Part of Lake's death was my fault. I knew it...She knew it...we all knew it. But despite these anticipated feeling, she knocked on my front door with regret. I opened the door anticipating the pizza delivery guy but instead finding her. I muttered for my parents but the words didn't come out as strong as I wanted them to. I grabbed at the door pulling it closed.

She stuck her hand out stopping the door "Chris please, can we talk?" 

I stood in front of the door begging whatever god exists to make her leave but she didn't leave. No god came to my aid then or ever. I mustered up the strength to look at her and I opened the door back up.