Skinny Love (DreamNotFound)

2

TW's:
-eating disorder
-self hate/negative thoughts
-purging

George and I finished recording about two hours later. It was almost lunch time and my parents would force me to eat something. I didn't want them to know anything about my plans so I always acted like nothing was going on. As soon as I was alone, I could either purge or exercise. My mother called me and I walked downstairs.

'Hey, Clay. I made prepared some eggs and bacon for you.'

I smiled and took the plate. This was so unhealthy.

'I have a little stomachache, I will only eat one.'

'That's alright, dear.'

My mother and all my siblings ate two sandwiches and my dad even ate three. I ate half of the sandwich.

'I'm full, sorry,' I said.

'Clay, you have been eating less since a while.'

'I don't feel very well.'

'Do you need to see a doctor?'

'No!' I screamed a little faster than planned.

My mum gave me a weird look. 'Fine. Do you have pain? Or what are you feeling?'

'Stomachache and nausea.'

'Have you thrown up?'

'Uh- no.'

Yes, but intentionally.

'Okay, sweetheart. Go and lay down for a little.'

Now I told them I wasn't feeling well, I couldn't go for a run. I decided to go back to gaming and called George again when I was upstairs.

'Hey,' I said quietly.

'Is something wrong?'

'No, wait.'

I walked to the bathroom. This was a pure hell, but I had too. I did what I had to do and I purged all my food again. I washed my mouth and hands and walked back to my room.

'I'm back,' I said with a voice crack. My voice was always raspy after purging.

'Did you throw up?'

I turned red, I forgot muting my mic.

'Uh-.'

'I heard you throw up, Dream. What's going on?'

'I wasn't feeling well.'

'Why are you so casual about it? You should lay down, you just threw up. That's not good, Dream.'

'Just a small stomach bug. It's nothing bad.'

'If you throw up again, you should call the doctor.'

'Oh no, I won't. It will pass by itself surely.'

'Lay down at least.'

'Fine.'

I laid down in bed and ended the call. This was my opportunity. I stood up again and started working out. At least 100 squats and 100 jumping jacks. I ended up doing 250 of them and when an hour had passed I heard footsteps on the stairs. I quickly laid down in bed, but I was sweating. My mum opened the door and looked at me.

'Are you alright? What was that noise? Why are you sweating?'

'I don't feel so well, mum.'

'What happened?'

'I threw up.'

'Oh sweetie, do you need anything? Do you want some water?'

I nodded. 'Please.'

She walked away and came back with some water. 'I bought pizza for tonight, but I can make some soup for you.'

'Thanks.'

Soup was way better, pizza was just pure fat and unhealthy. Soup was good, only too much salt.

'I don't want extremely salty soup, mum.'

'Okay, sweetie. I will make it less salty.'

I nodded. 'Thanks.'

She walked away after ten minutes and I decided to sleep for a little. I had to keep up this act for a while now. At least I didn't have to eat. I kept my act up for the whole day. I ate half a cup of soup and went back to bed to exercise some more.

It was the next day when everything went wrong. I stood up out of bed and got dizzy. I fell back down on my bed and hit my head on the side of it. I didn't feel the pain for a while since I passed out. When I woke up again, I stood up acting like nothing happened. I noticed I passed out more and more. When I woke up I was always shaking like crazy. I didn't know why, I ate so much. I walked to the bathroom again and weighted myself. 600 gram less! I was happy, but still not happy enough. I had to be more. I was still way too fat. No one would like me this way, I kept telling myself. And it was true, no one would. Even George wouldn't. Especially George.

717 words