Skinny Love (DreamNotFound)

4

TW's:
-eating disorder
-self hate (negative thoughts/mentions self harm)

The next days were pretty tense. I had to record some things with George and Sapnap, but they were a little holding back from me. I didn't know what to do. If I should tell them everything or if I should leave it at this. Recording sessions were less happy and after a session we all left the call immediately. It was ripping us apart. I didn't understand why they acted like this. It hurt me, it wasn't my fault. As if this was supposed to help me.

'Dream?' I suddenly heard Georges soft voice ask.

'Uh- what?'

'Are we ever going to talk about it?'

'I-.'

'Why didn't you want to sent a picture?'

'It's weird sending a random picture of my arms.'

'Or is it because we are right?'

'We should stop arguing about it and move on.'

'And you should stop lying about it.'

I sighed, they were never going to stop. I could tell them half of it. Only my anxiety, depression and self harm. I would keep the eating part for myself, since I didn't want to lose control over that.

'Fine.'

'So?'

'I'm depressed and really anxious.'

'How so?'

'I got bullied in the past, in real life as well on internet.'

'You could really have told us,' Sapnap said.

'I could have told you? I don't know if you noticed, but last time you got so mad. That's not how you help me.'

'I apologise for that.'

'Fine. Well here you go.'

'How can we help you?'

'Don't push constantly to make me talk.'

I startled by Georges soft sob. Again?

'What have I done wrong this time?'

'N-nothing, I feel just so bad for you. You're so am- such a good friend and you just hurt yourself.'

'I haven't done it for a while.'

'How long?'

'A few weeks. I just scared to tell it. In school when people saw my scars they said real bad things?'

'Such as?'

'He wants to kill himself, I wouldn't care.'

'Did they say that? What a morons,' George said mad.

'But Dream if you don't want to talk now, I understand.'

'Can I finally tell about next week?'

'Sure.'

'It's my mother's birthday next week and my dad surprise her with a two week trip to France. My brother and sisters are all having sleepovers with friends, so I have the whole house to myself.'

'Are you going to be okay?'

'Dang it, Sap. I was just happy and you have to ruin it again.'

'I'm worried, Dream.'

'Yes, I'm going to be okay. I- whatever. You clearly both don't care. I was just happy, but apparently I can't be.'

'You can, we are just worried about you. What if you hurt yourself or even worse, what if we lose you?' George said, his voice cracking.

I didn't know what to say and left the call. I started crying. I just didn't know it anymore. They tried being nice, but at the same time they were hurtful. I saw George calling me on my phone and I declined the call. I laid in bed, crying. Why couldn't they just be happy for me? I was finally happy about something and they just didn't mind.

George called me again and again and the fifth time I decided to accept the call.

'What do you want?'

'I'm sorry, we should have listened instead of directly judging.'

'Okay.'

'I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?'

'Yeah.'

'I just want to help you, but I seem to fail in it.'

'No, you don't.'

I suddenly felt bad. They were also just trying to be nice and helpful.

'I'm sorry too, George.'

'I'm just so worried about you. I can't miss you.'

'You won't lose me,' I said with a fake laugh.

If I continued like this he might lose me.

'But you don't see how bad this is.'

'I do, let's not argue okay?'

'Okay.'

'It will be alright. I won't cut anymore and I won't do anything to myself.'

I crossed my fingers. I simply couldn't promise. I didn't want to break a promise.

'Promise?'

'Sure,' I said crossing my fingers tightly around each other. I just couldn't. I felt bad, but it would only be worse if I also broke the promise.

'Did you cross your fingers?'

I chuckled. 'Of course not.'

725 words