Skinny Love (DreamNotFound)

10

TW's:
-Eating disorder (mentions purging)
-Panic

I couldn't stay with George. I ran to my room and sat down on my bed. I heard footsteps on the stairs and I heard Sapnap walking in just about twenty seconds later.

'What's wrong, Dream?'

'I- you- I mean. The position-.'

'Oh- do you actually like him?'

'No!'

'What's wrong then?'

'I felt weird.'

'What did you feel?'

'Like a weird feeling.'

Sapnap smirked, but didn't say anything. He knew something I didn't clearly.

'Butterflies?' he asked.

I shrugged. 'Maybe, but I don't know why.'

'You were laying on top of George.'

'So?'

'Have you ever liked guys before?'

I shook my head and startled. Did he think I was gay? I wasn't right?

'I'm straight,' I mumbled.

'Yeah right.'

'I am not gay.'

'Do you like George?'

'No. Just as a friend.'

'Okay, fine.'

Sapnap stopped talking as soon as heard George coming upstairs.

'Are you okay, Dream?' he asked smiling softly.

He was so cute. I kept staring at him, he was beautiful. I think I was staring for a minute straight when Sapnap kicked my leg.

'Au!'

'George was talking to you, idiot,' Sapnap whispered.

'Sorry,' I mumbled. 'What?'

'I asked if you were okay?'

I nodded. 'I am, but I have to uh- take a shower.'

'Okay, I'm going to steal some food,' Sapnap grinned.

Sapnap walked away and George kept standing in front of me.

'Dream?'

I nodded.

'You are not going to purge, are you?'

'I promise, I won't.'

'Really? I can stand here in your room to check if you don't know for sure?'

'It's fine. I promise you.'

'I'm just a little scared.'

'Don't be, I won't purge.'

'How can I make sure?'

'Checking my hands and checking on the sounds.'

'Okay.'

He turned around and walked away. 'See you.'

I walked to the bathroom and quickly undressed. I did have the plan to purge, but now I promised I was not going to. I promised George. I stepped in the shower and started washing myself. I calmed down a little and when I was done I quickly stepped out. I didn't purge and I was kind of proud. I walked downstairs and smiled at George. He stood up and grabbed my hands.

'You didn't do it?'

I nodded.

'What?' Sapnap asked.

'I didn't purge.'

'Aww, I'm proud,' Sapnap said.

Another mental breakdown came up. Tears streamed down my face in a few seconds. 'You have to be proud if I don't freaking stick my fingers in my throat. You are not proud of me, it's-.'

'We are also proud of you. Of what you accomplished with YouTube for example.'

George hugged me tightly. 'I'm proud of everything you did in your life. And yes, we are proud when you eat and when you don't purge, that's because it's a big struggle for you. If I had an eating disorder and I hadn't purged after a very difficult meal, would you be proud?'

I nodded. 'Yes.'

'We are so proud of everything. I love you, Dream,' Sapnap said.

'I love you both too,' I muttered.

As I said it I looked at George and I saw him blush. I had a weird urge to kiss his cheek, but I decided not to. I didn't even know why I would ever want to. What's was wrong with me?

'Dream?' Sapnap whispered behind me.

I startled. 'What?'

'You were staring.'

'I- oh- sorry. I uh- I was zoned out.'

'Are you feeling alright?' George asked.

I nodded. 'I uh- I- can I sleep for a little maybe?'

'Of course.'

I sprinted away to my bedroom. What was going on? Did I actually like George? I mean, he was incredibly beautiful and a little hot. But did that directly mean I was gay? No right? His brown eyes were just amazing, Sapnap would find him hot too right?

'Sap?' I yelled softly.

He came upstairs and walked in, looking at me.

'What's up?'

'Do you think uh-.'

'Do I think what?'

'Do you like also uh- think George is beautiful?'

'Oh yeah, of course.'

'Do you also like uh- find him more than beautiful? Like find him hot or something?'

'I'm straight so I don't think he is hot in that way, but for girls sure. Do you find him hot?'

I blushed.

'Aww, you do!'

'No, I-.'

'Just say it already.'

'Fine, yes. But I'm not gay.'

'Oh sure, again. And I didn't fail maths.'

'I'm not gay.'

'Fine.'

'I just think he is cute and a little hot, but that doesn't make me gay.'

'It's fine if you are, Dream. What do you think when you see him? What do you feel?'

'A weird feeling, blushing and sometimes a weird urge to kiss him.'

'You think about kissing him?'

'On his cheek of course.'

'You should do it and tell me what you felt.'

'I don't dare to. What if I lose my opportunity to-.'

And then it hit me. I did like him. What if I lost my opportunity to get him as my boyfriend...

845 words