Skinny Love (DreamNotFound)

8

TW's:
-Eating disorder
-Negative thoughts (self hate)
-Mentions bullying
-Panic attack

I woke up late the next day. The sun had already risen and the sunlight was shining through the half opened curtains. I remembered falling asleep in Georges arms yesterday, but he wasn't next to me anymore. I yawned and tried to stand up, but I got so dizzy, I directly sat down again.

'George? Sap?' I said. My voice was too weak to really yell, so I hoped they heard me.

And they did, I heard someone walking upstairs just a minute later. I took just a few seconds to hear another footsteps on the stairs. They both came upstairs.

'Good morning,' Sapnap said when he entered my room.

'Hey,' I muttered.

'What's wrong?' George asked.

'I can't stand, I almost passed out.'

George helped me stand up, he forbade me to shower and I got basically forced to eat.

'Dream, is this okay?' Sapnap asked me. He showed me around 100 millilitres of yoghurt. I sighed and nodded.

He gave it to me and I sat down on the couch. I basically drank the yoghurt with really small sips and when I was halfway I couldn't anymore. I started crying. George sat closely next to me and held my hand.

'Dream, you need this. This is good for your muscles. Listen, I will take three small sips, okay? Then you eat the rest, deal?' George said.

I nodded. He grabbed my spoon and took three spoons, he helped me by making them a little bigger than I did and gave me the spoon back.

'Now you eat the rest, okay?'

I nodded and took a new small sip. I finished the yoghurt ten minutes later and smiled.

'I did it.'

George and Sapnap had been waiting patiently the whole time. Sapnap stood up and hugged me shortly. 'I'm proud. You're so strong. I know this is incredibly difficult, but you did it.'

I smiled again. 'I did it.'

Now George hugged me and he smiled at me. It was a cute sight to see. 'I'm really proud, Dream.'

I cried in Georges arms and he rubbed circles on my back, it calmed me down.

'Shh, Dream. It will be okay.'

'I can't even eat.'

'You can, it's only very difficult. We will get you through this, okay? Together. George, me and you.'

I nodded. I felt fat, negative memories from the past came up again.

We were playing a game in class. It was called The Werewolves Of Millers Hollow. Basically you had 4 werewolves who had to kill all villagers to win. The villagers had to look for the werewolves. There was also a Cupid, they had to ship two people. I already knew what was going to happen. I felt it coming. I felt a small tap on my shoulder which meant I got shipped. I opened my eyes to see who I was shipped with and saw what I was expecting. I was shipped with my bully. He looked at me in disgust, sticking his finger into his mouth, acting like he was throwing up.

'I would rather die.'

I closed my eyes again and made the game continue. After we finished, I stood up and ran away. I locked myself in a bathroom stall and started crying. Why was he this mean? What was wrong with me? Was I too fat? Was I too ugly? Why me? What did I do wrong? I came out the stall and I went home.

I heard voices around me, but I couldn't talk. I went from negative thoughts to even worse thoughts and it didn't stop. I started breathing a little faster and got anxious. I remembered everything. My traumas, my suicide attempts, my self harm, the bullying, the pain I always had, the panic and anxiety attacks. The feeling of being worthless and hopeless. The feeling of having no purpose on earth. I was worthless, I couldn't even eat without being a complete crying mess.

The voice around me got harder, was that George? Or was it just my head trying to kill me? I breathed faster and faster and I started crying harder and harder. Life wasn't worth it. It simply wasn't. I was going to die, I was sure I was.

707 words