Skinny Love (DreamNotFound)

16

TW's:
-Eating disorder
-Mentions self hate and suicide attempt

I ate my 40 fries as I told everyone I would and I went lay down on the couch. Normally I would have walked for a while, but I was very nauseous and I felt sick.

The next day I woke up really sick. I had a fever and I guessed it was because of my small overdose.

'George, Sapnap?' I tried yelling, but my voice was too weak.

George seemed to hear me and walked in. 'What's wrong?'

'I'm feeling really sick. I think it might be the overdosis.'

'Do you need a doctor?'

'No, I'm just feeling really sick.'

'I get you ONE painkiller.'

I nodded. George walked away and woke Sapnap up. He came back with a bottle of water and one pill.

'Take this.'

I swallowed the pill and stood up. Everything hurt, but I got sick of laying in bed. I didn't sleep at all, so I had laid in bed for over hours now and I got restless of it.

The day continued slowly and so did the next day. I was healing slowly, because my body didn't have enough strength to fight against the fever. Luckily the fifth day I felt better. We decided to go out, since we all stayed inside for days. We went out to go an aquarium. It was a really big one and everyone always hyped it up. I never went there myself, even though I lived here.

I promised to eat a sandwich and a salad since I ate less last days and I lost weight again. Sapnap and George were always with me when I was weighting myself. I weighted myself in shorts and a shirt now so I was stressing about the extra weight, but I was also ashamed of my body. With Sapnap it was okay, but with George. I always wore loose trousers with a hoodie to hide my body, so I was ashamed when I wore less. I didn't want to be ugly for George, but I was sure he thought I was ugly.

I had just eaten my sandwich and salad with half the sauce and we were ready to go. I really hoped to make a sort of move with George. I liked him so much, but I was too scared to take a step. Sapnap told me I just had to try. When we were sitting down, I would maybe wrap my arm around him? Maybe that was too much directly. He didn't even like me. I knew that for sure.

Sapnap drove again and it took us twenty minutes to arrive there. I stepped out of the car and we walked inside, bought tickets and we went in. We sat down on a bench and we took the time to look closely and longer to the fish. I took the time to explain all colours to George.

It was an hour later when I wanted to take a step. We sat down on a bench and I scooted closer to George. Sapnap noticed me getting closer to George and he smiled encouragingly. I sighed deeply and looked at George.

'Are you having fun?'

He nodded and suddenly yawned loudly.

'Are you okay?'

'I didn't sleep very well last night.'

'Aww,' I said and I took it as my chance. I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him closer.

I knew I got as red as a tomato and I couldn't stop smiling. My crush was here in my arms. What more would I even ask for? He didn't do anything back, but I was happy enough he was here in my arms. I wanted to kiss him so badly, I really wanted to, but I couldn't. Everything would be ruined. What would he do if I grabbed his hand? Or flirted more with him? I was falling so hard for him. I wanted to feel his soft hair, I wanted to taste his red lips, I wanted to touch his beautiful body. All I wanted was be with him, have him as my boyfriend. But I probably couldn't. No one would ever want to be with me and definitely not a boy. The boy of my life. The love of my life. I was in love with a boy. With my best friend.

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