Skinny Love (DreamNotFound)

11

TW's:
-Eating disorder (mentions purging)

'To what? Dream, come on. I know you like him.'

'I-. I'm not going to kiss him, definitely not now.'

'Why not now?'

'Because I do like him, I think. But I have no chance, since he is straight.'

'You don't know that.'

'Am I really gay? I just like him a little, I'm not gay. I'm sick of this. Just stop, I'm not gay.'

'Keep calm, it's fine to be gay.'

'No, it's not. Let's go downstairs.'

'But you wanted to sleep?'

'I wanted to get away from my feelings.'

'Guys, I made lunch!' George yelled.

We walked downstairs and I laid down on the couch. 'I don't want lunch,' I whispered.

George sat down and lifted my legs up, resting them on his lap.

'Dream, you can do this and you need it, okay?'

'How much is it?'

'Half a sandwich with half a slice of cheese.'

'That too much.'

'What if I take one bite?' George asked.

'Two.'

'Two small ones.'

'One big one and one smaller.'

George took a big bite and a smaller one and gave me the sandwich. 'The rest is for you. You need it.'

It took me half an hour to finish the sandwich and George hugged me because he was so proud. I felt like crying again when he hugged me. One because I ate the sandwich, two because he was so sweet and three because I felt those butterflies again.

'Do you want some of a salad?' George asked.

I nodded. A salad was allowed if it had no sauce.

'Without the sauce,' I quickly added.

'What about just a little bit? Half of the sauce?'

'Quart.'

'No, half.'

'I won't eat it then.'

'We do a little less than half and a little more than a quarter.'

'Fine.'

I felt like a burden, but I couldn't let it go.

'I only want 100 grams.'

'No, Dream. It's a small salad, you can eat whole. It's healthy.'

'I can't.'

I heard Sapnap sigh a little, which caused George to push him.

'Dream, you are going to eat the salad and you will be fine,' George said.

'Can you eat five small spoons?'

George nodded and took five really small bites. 'Now you will eat the rest of this.'

'But I also ate half a sandwich.' I was getting a mental breakdown again.

'I ate two sandwiches, Dream,' George said.

'I ate the other half of yours and two others,' Sapnap added.

'But you didn't eat a salad.'

'Fine, we will eat a salad too,' Sapnap said.

'I'm craving chocolate,' George said.

I felt myself getting hungry. Chocolate used to be my favourite sweet ever.

'Do you want some too?' George asked.

'No.'

'Do YOU want some?'

'Y-yes.'

'I'll get you some.'

'No, I can't.'

'You can eat half of your salad.'

'Okay.'

I hated this so much, constantly measuring everything. If I ate something else, I had to eat less of the other things. They gave me half a salad and two pieces of chocolate.

'No, one.'

'Dream, try it first,' Sapnap said.

'You can do it,' George added to it.

I grabbed the chocolate with shaking hands. I ate the salad first and sighed deeply. I ate one piece and directly felt extremely fat.

'I can't,' I mumbled. I stood up and ran to the bathroom. I kneeled down, but the door flew open. George grabbed my shoulders and lifted me up.

'You can do it. You are not going to throw up. You can do this.'

'But I'm so fat and I'm fake. I'm only going to get fatter. I'm disgusted by myself.'

'You're beautiful.'

'No, you are,' I muttered.

I looked at him and started sinking away in his amazing eyes. How could someone be this perfect?

He hugged me tightly and I took my chance. I moved a little closer to his cheek and pressed my lips shortly on it. We broke the hug and looked at each other. He was clearly blushing. I started leaning in, I wanted to kiss him. I startled when he lent in too. Our faces were just a few centimetres away, I was about to kiss him- the door flew open.

'Are you- oh, am I interrupting something here?'

'No, uh-,' I started.

'Totally not,' George said blushing.

He let go of me and walked away. There went my chance.

731 words