Love Sucks - The Vampire Diaries - Damon Salvatore

*30*

I found myself wondering around the town that evening, not sure where I was going. I just needed to walk. And I ended up at the grill. Ok there wasn't many places I could go. So I walked in and spotted Caroline, Elena and Tyler at a table, and Matt by the bar. I stood for a moment thinking who I should go to. They all looked over. Tyler and Caroline smiled, Elena rolled her eyes and looked away. And Matt looked up, locked eyes with me, and then looked back to the glasses he was putting out. In the end I chose my own table, far away from them all.

I tapped my fingers on the table, anxious about what was going to happen. If anything. Wondering if I should talk to Matt. Or should I go over to the trio? Two are my friends after all....and Elena, well I did save her that once. But it may have been because of me she needed saving.... somehow... I looked at the ring on my finger. You have been nothing but a pain since I put you on. But I don't want to let you go. Could you just please be good. For once?

"Can I get you a drink?"

I snapped out of my thoughts to a waitress next to me, "oh, yeah. A lemonade thanks. And a basket of fries." I smiled as she scribbled it down and walked away.

My phone buzzed in my pocket so I pulled it out.

Tyler - hey. You not gonna join us? X

Liv - nah. I'm ok here for now. Need a little me time. X

Tyler - ok but I'm here if you need me x

I looked over and smiled to Tyler. He smiled back and put his phone back in his pocket. I could see Caroline and Elena talking about something but I couldn't hear what. I wish I was a vampire right now. I'd be able to hear every word.

I wonder what it would be like to be a vampire. To die. Do you remember how it felt to die when you come back? Is it just blank, or is there something after death? Be interesting to find out.

"Here." Matts voice snapped me out of my thoughts as he put my food and drink in the table in front of me.

"Thanks" I smiled trying to get his attention but he didn't look at me, "Matt?" I shouted after him as he stepped away, "please talk to me."

He turned and finally looked at me, "what do you want me to say?"

"Can we go outside and talk, please? Away from prying ears." I motioned over to Caroline and Tyler. We both looked over and they both quickly whipped their heads to look down at the table and not at us. Obviously listening.

Matt nodded and we walked out the back of the grill. We stood in the cool air for a moment before I finally asked what I needed to know, "why are you so off with me?"

Matt shuffled his feet before replying, looking as though he was thinking about his answer, "I don't like Damon. Stefan's ok, but then I remember what he's done too and it all just becomes murky."

"Why don't you like them?"

"Because they're vampires!" Matt shouted at me out of frustration by the sounds of it. "They kill people! Why would you want to spend so much time with them?" He was obviously annoyed at the mere idea that I liked them....

I finally had enough of him being off and not talking to me, or seeing how I was. I finally burst out every emotion I had felt since meeting the brothers, "Because they make me feel alive!" I screamed at him. I stood in front of Matt, taking in a few deep breaths before continuing, "More alive then I have ever felt before. They make me feel safe, cared for, looked after. I've never had that." I moved over to the concrete steps and sat two from the bottom, putting my legs fully out in front of me, pushing away the stones under my feet, "When I'm around them I get this burst in me that I could do anything I wanted. And I do. I say what I want and they understand. I don't get judgement from them because, well hello! Been alive for 150 years so seen it all. It's amazing to live so free."

Matt sat down next to me and took my hand, "why can't you be like that with me?"

"Because you know too much." I sighed looking into his eyes. "You saw the bruises, the cuts, the tears. You heard everything that happened so you look at me like I'm this fragile little girl that needs protecting."

"You are. You do. You don't know what it's like out -"

"What? Out there?" I pointed out into the distance, not taking my eyes off him. "Every day I went home I was scared. What was going to happen? Would I eat tonight? Would I get hit? Burnt? Thrown in my bedroom so hard that I knock myself out falling against my dresser? Waking up with dried blood in my hair and having to shower in freezing cold water to make sure no one saw when I went out there. Making sure my hair was pulled into a high pony to cover the cuts and scars and clumps of hair that had been ripped out." I looked away, tears stinging my face as they fell. I blinked and looked back to Matt, tears falling from him too. "When they died, I felt so happy. I felt free. But I had no clue what I was going to do. When I sold the house here I again had no clue. But Stefan saved me. He invited me in and looked after me. Damon too. They listened to me now, and made judgement on me now. And with that...." I wiped the tears away and stood up, dropping Matts hand, "and with that came so much freedom to do whatever I wanted." I frowned thinking about my words carefully, "how I wanted. Because life isn't perfect."

"Olivia, I - " Matt stood up but I backed away.

"I'm sorry Matt. I.... I have to go." I turned and ran down the alleyway and ran full speed to the Salvatores. Boy this would be easier and quicker with vampire speed.