Worth it |Mattia Polibio

Part 21

Jordon pov

" why? Why did you do this?" Dad asked sighing sadly, " He was the only thing keeping you happy,"

I carried on wiping my tears," because when you're with someone like me happiness doesn't last. Moms didn't so she left, you're already stressing out and I didn't wanna make Mattia go through that. I don't wanna burden him,"

" Jordon you're not a burden to anyone but yourself. You have to stop thinking that you don't deserve anything good in life." He rubbed his forehead, " I thought you really liked him, how could you just let him go like this?"

I let him go because I liked him. I knew I wouldn't be able to make him as happy and fulfilled as he deserves and I couldn't live with myself for that. So I let him go, " forget this. It's done. He's gone and I know he'll be hurt for a while but he'll find someone else and he'll be happier with them,"

I got off my bed and took out a small suitcase and threw it on my bed. I started packing a few clothes and other necessities, dad could tell I didn't want to talk about Mattia anymore so he stayed quiet and started to help me.

****

" did you sleep well?" Dad asked me when he came to see me in the morning. I nodded lying to him. I never really slept well on the hospital beds but it wasn't just that. I couldn't help but think of Mattia all night.

I don't know how he was taking all this but I hope he wasn't hurting too bad. I hope he realises that there's someone better out there for him and I hope the boys tell him that too.

My phone started ringing again and I closed my eyes and sighed sadly. By my reaction dad knew who it was and looked at me pityingly, " talk to him, he clearly wants to talk to you,"

" he shouldn't want to. He should move on." He's been calling me since yesterday and texting me as well but I've not answered anything. I cried a lot when I saw his text about how we could fix things and work things out. And as much as I wanted them to I knew they wouldn't.

" you can't avoid him forever Jordon," dad said, " I don't know him well but I know he's not one to give up. He'll show up to the house next, and then what are you going to do?"

I shrugged, " nothing. I'm not going to see him or talk to him at all,"

" and what if I bump into him? What am I supposed to do?" He asked.

" just avoid him. It shouldn't be too hard, it's not like you liked having him around much anyway,"

" I did though," he said and I looked at him with one of my brows raised. When he saw my expression he sighed, " I know it didn't look like it and though I'd never admit it to him. He seemed liked a pretty nice guy Jordon. I wasn't worried with him being with you because I knew he'd take care of you. He was a little reckless and some of the things he did were pretty crazy, like when he snuck into the house after I specifically told him not to,"

I looked up at dad looking a little shocked, " how did you-"

" I told you before, I'm your dad. I know about all these things," he was taking this pretty well and he didn't look as angry as I thought he would. Actually he looked pretty amused.

" why didn't you say anything?" I asked siting up.

He shrugged and his smile widened a little, " because, I thought about why he showed up in the first place. I admired that despite what I said he showed up to the house anyway because that boy is crazy about you Jordon. He made an effort and he really tried with you,"

I smiled at that and looked down at the white bedsheet. That's what the great thing about him was. That he tried, because not many people do. Even though he had no idea what the hell was going on he never forced me to tell him and he was never impatient with me. He trusted me blindly.

I sat back in my bed  and I palmed my face. I was regretting what I did so much and as much as my heart was begging me to call him back, my brain kept telling me that this had to happen. That this was for the best.

" hey Jordon," Fiona said walking into my room, " it's time for you chemo session honey," she told me and I nodded. I got off the bed and followed after her to another room, " I'm just gonna go get Doctor Johnson, I'll be back in a few minutes. Make yourself comfortable yeah?"

She walked out and I walked around the room. This was the first chemo session of many, I saw a mirror on the wall and looked at myself in it. I looked at my hair and touched it, " well it was nice whilst it lasted," I said running my hands through it.

I didn't even get the chance to grow it out like how I wanted it to.

The doctor came in a few minutes later and I sat down in the chair getting comfortable because I knew I was going to be here a while. I rolled my sleeve up and let the doctor inject my arm and attach the tube which carried the chemotherapy medicine.

" any idea how long I'll be here?" I asked him.

" a few hours," he answered.

I sighed and sat back in the chair and looked at the ceiling. Someone knocked on the door and my dad walked in. He sat next to me in another chair.

I appreciated his company but I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Actually I wanted to talk to one person in particular but I knew I couldn't.

He was just a phone call away but I knew I shouldn't.

*****

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