LOVING FROM AFAR...

CHAPTER 44 : GOODBYE

GABRIELLE POV

All bags are packed and I'm ready to go. Ewan. I'm going crazy penetrating everything. Looking at my baggage on top of my bed is lije a thorns in my heart digging slowly. Bakit ang hirap hirap huminga? Four hours before my flight and I'm still not sure if I really wanna do this. Bakit pakiramdam ko mali? Hours away I will be landing in my dream place, a place where I wished to luve when I was younger. Now it's seems different. It's not a dream anymore.. it's a hiding place.

"If you don't want me to kidnap and locked you up then stop making that expression. It bothering me!"

Tricia was there. Helping me double check everything I need. Giving my hair a last touch while her tears keeps on dropping.

"I hate this feeling. Para akong sasabog."

"Me too..I wish I can do something to change your mind."

" doubt it.."

I replied almost a whisper cause it's a lie.

"I know."

she sigh. Sana nararamdaman niya ang nais kong mararamdaman niya. Baliw ka na Catherine. Baliw ka na!

Manang Ingrid also in tears. Putting my bags on the car compartment while keeping her eyes away from us.

"Anu ba yan.hindi pa ako mamatay.."

pilit kong biro.

"Ai naku nag aalala ako baka don ganun ka rin. Balita ko iba ang ugali ng mga Italiano kaya wag kang pabaya. Ang kain sa oras dapat, ang vitamins wag kalimutan, ang.."

"Manang kalma lang."

Tumawa si Tita habang nagmamasid. I hug Manang tightly and assure her I will be fine. Leaving her ans Tita Laura is the hardest part.

"wala na akong maidadag pa don.."

Tita Laura added. We laugh for a while as I take a last glimpse in my home. The first place who welcomed me since I got here 3 years ago. A place who changed me to a stronger person.

Tricia and Tita Laura drive me to the airport. The ride is quiet and nobody tried to speak. The only sounds heard are the sobs and breathing. We arrived exactly 2 hours before my flight and saying goodbye to both of them makes the pain get worst. This is it. This is really is it is it.

Holding my passport and other papers on my left hand and my bag on the right I stoop my foot forward. Deep inside of me I want to stop . I want to turn my way back to the woman who's watching me . Also, hoping that in my last turn I will see his face smiling and telling me to stay. The fact is, its impossible. Nobody knows except Tricia and tje family. Nobody would tell .  Sa huling tingin ko I was sure it was the end. Closing my eyes, I continue to walk inside . Tears are uncontrollable and pain are intolerable. I can't breath, I can't move normally. I'm flooded within. Soul, heart and spirit.

Distance keeps on widen until I can no longer see Tita and Tricia face. It is the end. I said. It is Goodbyes.

Looking back with a little hope I thought I saw him. Standing outside the border line saying something I couldn't hear and understand. Waving, lips is moving and expression is pained. I blinked pressing my eyea shut for a moment then he's gone. Imagination overtake me, I thought . I miss him and if only he was really here then maybe I won't go. Maybe I will run back to him and tell him I will stay. Maybe if he was there on the lobby I would no longer struggling here anymore. But he wasn't. He was not there, he was not here and he will never be. Before I lost every strength left in me, pumasok na ako at tinanggap na this moment will be my worst and painful Goodbyes.

GABRIEL POV

Receiving two messages in early as 4 am was something very unusual. Especially when those messages contain very important matter. Thanks God Im not asleep.  Thanks God I end up thinking about what I'm going to say to Kath for the whole night.

"Sorry if I been so bad to you but I feel guilty being so mean and rude. Ash didn't actually sorry about what she did. Intact she talked Gab the other day and told her some crazy stuff and about the talked and dinner last night she planned everything. I'm sorry, Dad told me about Gan leaving today. It's where the story start. Know what I mean? I checked the flight to Italy today and it has only one. 6 am today. "

that one came from Monique.

"At the airport now. She's leaving. Stop her."

From Tricia.

Wasting no time agad akong umalis. Kailangan kong umabot. Kailangan ko siyang pigilan.

Regrets. Thats the only emotions I have now.Regrets of being so stupid. Regrets of not using my brain. Regret of wasting my time. Regrets of assuming that Ashley can give me closure. I'm such a jerk of not attempting to call her, to talk to her. Nagpabaya ako at naging mahina. Kung sana lang tumakbo ako ng mabilis. Kung sana lang sumigaw ako ng mas malakas. Kung sana lang hindi ako pumayag na ialis ako ng mga security bago pa man siya tumingin ulit. She didn't saw me but I saw her walking towards that plane.

Watching it taking off, I know she's gone. She's gone and I couldn't do anything about it.

Without her I'm lifeless. Im broken and I'm ruined.

Without her I couldn't live.

The goodbye that will apart my life from a world. A goodbye that will crush me within. A goodbye that I wish is just nightmare.