LOVING FROM AFAR...

CHAPTER 42 : The FINAL LOOK

GABRIELLE POV

I watched him go. I watched him slowly fading on my sight where every part of me broke into pieces. Gusto ko siyang habulin,pigilan at ipagsisigaw na mahal ko siya na hindi ko kaya mawala siya peru di ko ginawa. I stopped myself and I let him.

Ashley words stroked me again but from what i feel right now I'm not sure if I'm right or I made a big mistake. Holding on my chest and as his car no longer in my sight I waited and hope that the pain will submerged. Distance makes me feel that tonight will be my last glimpse oh him. That tonight is the greatest hold of my life. That night I will no longer smell his scent and he will be gone from me forever.

I fell down on Tita Laura's lap. Reaching her I confined my head on her shoulder and cried on her arms.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain

Yon lang ang tanging nararamdaman ko. Sakit na kahit anung gawin hindi ko pwedeng ibaliwala.

Paulit ulit sa utak ko. Sinisigaw ng isip ko. Mahal ka niya. Mahal ka niya. Peru bakit ang hirap sumunod at ang hirap maniwala.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes and even I'm not I'm still going. Staying here for another how many days is something I couldn't handle"

I hedged. Tita Laura hold me on my face so I can look at her eyes directly.

"Listen..I know it hurts but running away is not an answer. He loves you, we all both know that. Don't be afraid to ask, to know the answers of all your doubts. Nothing can make you happy but the truth."

"Tita I don't know if I still have a heart to do that. For now this is all I need.."

She just nod and pull me even closer to her. She understand me. She always does. She was always beem there. Protecting me, saving me and now I'm giving her a sadness she didn't deserved. I need this. I need to go . I need to let everything healed in the place where I couldn't remembered him. It's clear as the sky on the summer that  the more I stay the more it will be hard for me to left.

This decision is final. You may think its crazy but after all, this is my only options left. I will never be happy about it I'll admit but mending this broken heart running away is all matters now .

------

"Are you kidding me?Next week?Are you out of your mind?"

Tricia face reddened in disgust. Staring at me like she's going to peel me alive.

"First, you make that Ashley win. 2nd, you broke up with Gab without valid reason and now this?you will run away? and not just that..you're leaving next week. Oh my God! I think I will be 75 years old later on after this...!"

I expected that reaction of her

Looking at her like this makes me want to cry.  The way she will scold me like this and slap to me the truth about everything . Her raising eyebrow when she was irritated, her  high pitching voice and the way she cool down after she told me how much she hated me.

"Don't look at me like that! I'm going to talk that guy..!"

"Trish...please.."

She soften up and find a seat next to me.

"You're crazy..! You're my best friend but now I couldn't find a word to convinced you to stay.."

"You don't need to..I'm gonna call will be enough for me.."

Tricia spilled her tears.

"Come here.."

then she hug me tight. We cried together like we feel the same pain.

"I will miss you babe.."

"me too.."

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Tita Laura fixed everything. Some part of me hoping the School won't let me take an advance test. 2 months before graduation and 3 weeks before finals. When Tita said the Principal approved I feel bad and sad. I really doing it and I cant turn back now. I ready myself for that day, the last day maybe for me to step my foot on the School ground.  Tita accompanied me. She don't want me to feel regretful when I'll see some of my friends there. France especially, Gabriel boys and even my frenemy. Thanks to her. Tita's car went straight to the Principal office. I will take my exam there. As we arrived Mr. Guzman lead me to the Assembly room where all the test papers of my 8 subject located. Hw gave me 2 hours in each subject and told me to come back for the next day if I couldn't finished it.  I don't want to. I want those test to be done in that day, so I did my best to finished the 8 subject with in 6 hours. It's almost 5 pm when everything is done. Going back to Tita Laura's car I done my last glimpse. The parking lot, the guard house, the lobby, the gym,my class room especially Mrs. Gomez room and of course the Canteen. These places where I spent most of my entire stay since I arrived in this town. This School who taught me so much to learn. This place where I learn to fall in love. I will miss this..I will miss the memory. It is something different from leaving and saying goodbye cause now it's like you wanted to see who will be there to wave you but you couldn't cause you will go without their knowledge.

I never heard anything from him since that night. Even Tricia didn't mentioned his name in any of our conversation. There were times that I was holding my phone and thinking of texting him but it will be stupid for me to do that inspite of the fact that I'm the one who pushed him away. Bawat isip ko sa nangyayari mas lalong sumasakit, mas lalong  nakakapanghina. Then when the idea of him and Ashley getting back together sway on my mind Im like drying over and over again. Why would feel bad about it? Sila naman talaga dapat di ba? Ako lang naman ang agaw eksena.

Yet, my hope will never be died. Umaasa ako na  pagbukas ko ng pintuan makikita ko siya nakaabang at sasabihin niya sa aking "hindi ako susuko". Umaasa ako na baka tumawag siya o nagtext ng hindi ko namalayan pero talagang wala. Ang sakit pero siguro dahil na rin sa paulit ulit na panghihina ko sa tuwing nararamdaman ko to naging matibay ma ang puso ko. Nakakahinga na ako ng wasto at nakakaya ko ng magmulat at damhin lahat.

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong..
why carry on without me?

"Gab right?"

THat moment where Trina became a way of us to know each other.

Every time I fly
I fall without my wings

"So..its you?"
"Gabrielle excited for make over?"

The last time he called me in that name.

"Catherine Gabrielle Gonzaga"

The first her smooth voice utter those complete name of mine.

I feel so small I guess I need you baby
and every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face you're hunting me
I guess I need you baby.

The talent practiced. Our first coffee together. The first time he opened up about himself. The day we became friends. The Pageant night. The first embrace. The first look into my eyes. The ups and downs. The Palawan adventure. The beach. The first kiss. Everything flashes back over and over again.

Maybe Britney Spears just want to make me understand. Every time I needed him.