My feet bounced rapidly on the balls of them, my legs following suit. I gulped down a swallow of what tasted like stale air, frantically trying to rid the churning in my stomach and sudden rush of blood to my head. My shaky hands set my cup of cocoa onto the coffee table to prevent myself from spilling onto my lap, which would make it substantially more difficult for me to calm down.
Jug sat down beside me slowly, lifting the blanket and placing it atop his lap before placing a steadying hand on my knee. His lungs took in an over-exaggerated breathe as he rubbed various patterns onto my leg, scooting closer to me before leaning back, opening a place for to lay down onto if I so desired.
"Betty, you aren't obliged to tell me anything. You can take your time, okay? Breathe, Betts.", he whispered, taking my face into his free hand, unhooking my teeth from my lip that I'd been chewing harshly. "Don't do that. Don't stress. This is a comfortable, judgement-free zone, alright? Deep breaths, Betts. Deep breaths.". His voice was low and monotonous, calming to the nerves. He gestured a hand towards my cocoa, urging me to take a sip after I'd nodded in understanding.
"O-Okay. I-I think I'm ready to tell you a little bit.", I mumbled after a careful sip, though I sat facing across from Jughead. Despite his assurance, I still allowed my gut to sink, only thinking of the possibilities of a number of reactions that he could have. I was anxious he might change his mind, and I didn't want to make this more tense for the both of us by laying on top of him if the less desirable scenarios took place.
"My mom, Alice Cooper, she... where do I start? She's the reason I'm the way I am. She tried to make me into this p-perfect little human being, micromanaging and controlling every minuscule thing I did. I couldn't make any decisions for myself. I was forbidden to make friends. Bad grades, which were considered anything below a perfect score, were a display of my lack of intelligence and disappointment to her. My body wasn't good enough. My attitude wasn't flawless towards everyone I'd met. She would call me a s-slut. I never did enough. I-I wasn't enough to her.
And before you try to ask me to validate or reason with myself about whether that's actually true or not, trust me, it is. She blatantly told me so every single day. She... God.", I stammered, a hand flying to my face as I then concentrated on containing my strength and burying my sobs back into my chest, blinking back tears accompanied by shaky breaths.
"M-My dad and sister died in a car crash when I was five years old. It was the three of us in the car. I was blabbing, as I did back then, and I managed to distract my dad in the process, causing us to c-c-crash. S-She's always blamed me for their d-deaths. I was the only s-survivor. I lost my best friends, my only friends, because I couldn't stop t-t-talking.
My mom was right.", I stated with as much composure as I could muster and hold a steady grasp on with some assistance of the steady hands placed on my shoulders, but in the end, it wasn't enough. I began to shudder, and Jughead's face gradually becoming blurrier and blurrier by the second. "I-I'm so sorry, Juggie! It's all my f-fault, and I'm burdening you with all of my problems that I created in the first place. You didn't d-do anything to deserve this; putting up with m-me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.".
I finally squeezed my eyes shut, releasing myself from my ground and attempting to escape my reality. My world tilted forwards and landed on a solid, yet comfortable mass known as Jug's chest. His arms supported me from under my own, pulling me properly onto his lap before his hands could begin to relax the muscles in my back.
"No. None of what happened was your fault, Betty. You were a little kid! You didn't know any better, and little kids talk in the car. It's not your fault that your father got distracted, though I am incredibly sorry for your loss.", He said solemnly, kissing my forehead briskly. "And none of what your mother said is true at all. She was manipulating you and using you as a scapegoat, which was incredibly unfair to you. She had no right to do that, and you most certainly didn't deserve it, so please don't tell yourself that.
You're the most deserving person I know, Betty.", he said. "You've gone through so so much, and I wish I could just take away your pain. It hurts me knowing that you're still struggling to cope and atone with all of this.". I juddered with loud cries, muffled by Jug's chest, but I was able to mumble what I had on my mind.
"I-I'm sorry I hurt you. I-I pr-promise I didn't mean to!".
"Shh... You didn't do anything. I feel sympathetic towards you. You didn't hurt me, so don't think that, please. The only thing you need to be worried about is getting yourself better and doing so in whatever healthy means possible. I'm here for you. You're secure now. Alice isn't here.
It's just me.".
