Excerpts I'll Never Tell

Stardust in the clouds

I hate you. But that's absurd. It's having salt to the wound. It's a slight sting. It's when late at night, my dreams remind me of you.

I look over a simple game engine to see and to think if you have thought of me-- one big endless thought. I thought we could be together if you wanted to. I genuinely want to know, does this feeling go both ways?

You make me think about things I can't think of during the day. You make my cheeks sting with the want of you to be someone else or to be something your not.

I stick around with him because I know I'll be okay. However, I remind myself. I've never been the type to stick with someone because it's simply "safe". I like the challenge-the adventure. My mother asked if that's why I like you. The truth is, it is, and it isn't.

There's always been something about you that I can't shake off. I refuse to text or call you because then you'll have the upper hand. You'll be smug. I can't give you that. I'd be lying to say I wouldn't be excited to get a text from you. But that's thought vomit. And I need both of us to be more mature the next time I talk to you. We can't keep going through our cycle. If we keep doing this, we're going to destroy each other, most likely. I will wait patiently. I listen to that song you showed me before you disappeared like you always do. "She said, "It's not now or never. Wait ten years; we'll be together. I said, "Better late than never; just don't make me wait forever."

I don't want to hurt you, and I like to think you don't want to hurt me. We're stardust. I think you're a part of me that sometimes is missing. It's an absurd feeling to have for someone you've only met in person once. But, I feel like years have passed us more than once.