Amore #2: Withered Epitome of Beauty

WEOB 23

I don't know what's happening in my life. What did I do to make me suffer this bad? Oo, marami akong kasalanan pero bakit ganito kalala ang ipinambabawi sa akin? Alam kong masamang kwestyunin ang Diyos dahil siya ang mas lalong nakakaalam pero bakit nga ba naging ganito ang buhay ko?

Is this what I needed to pay after making a big mistake in my whole existence in this world? Bobo kasi ako at tatanga-tanga sa lahat ng pagkakataon. Maybe this is what I deserve for I have sinned. Kung hindi lang sana iyon nangyari, 'di sana...

My throat dried as I breathed in and out to calm myself. I felt how every part of my body weakened. Those memories flashed right through my very eye and I don't want to hold it back because even if it was the last time, I still wanted to cherished those moments. Gusto kong ibalik iyon para maitama ko ang pagkakamali ko. Sana hindi na lang ako nakiusap sa kanya.

My eyes stung because of the tears that immediately flow like a gushing water in a dam. Hindi ako mapakali at lalong-lalo na ngayon na may dumagdag na naman sa aking bawat pighati. Nagkagat ako ng labi at tumabi sa dinadaanan ng mga tao.

I breathed for some air to fill my lungs but it didn't even make me feel better. Dahan-dahang bumigay ang buo kong katawan. I am already on my knees while clutching my heavy and soulless heart. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Para akong pinapatay nang paulit-ulit sa mga nakikita ko.

I don't know how worst this day could be. Napailing ako. Bakit ang sakit-sakit na ng mga dinaranas ko? Bakit ganito ang ipinaparamdam sa akin ngayon? Bakit parang lahat na lamang ng mahal ko ay iniiwan at ipinagpapalit ako?

My eyes are setted in front. I blinked for so many times, hoping that the scene will change... But it didn't. Lahat iyon ay totoo at 'yon ang pinakamasakit na parte sa buhay ko. Naramdaman ko ang bikig sa aking lalamunan. I can't breathe properly.

I embraced another fall after being left and replaced by someone several hours ago. Nandito na naman ako. I am always putted in a situation where the scenes are the same but the characters aren't.

I shook my head profusely as I bit my lip. My eyes squinted with anger and my tears welled up while looking at the same direction. I don't want to believe this but who am I kidding? Siya iyon.

"D-Dad..." I murmured in between sobs. "Why do you have to do this? Aren't w-we enough?"

Kitang-kita ko si papa dito sa kung saan ako nakaluhod ngayon. Even if we are a few meters apart, kahit nasa loob siya ng mall at ako ay narito lang sa labas, I know that he is Daddy Theo.

Pumasok sila sa loob ng isang mamahaling restaurant. Oo, sila... They look like a happy family. I scoffed mentally and shook my head. Hindi ko dapat tanggapin ang mga sinabi ko kanina sa utak ko. He is my dad and he shouldn't be building another family! Dapat kami lang! My chest heaved up and down while looking at them from afar. Ang masama pa ay kilala ko ang isa sa kasama ni dad. Gago siya!

Why did he keep it as a secret from me? Didn't he know that Mattheo Avergonzado already have a family? Didn't he know that he is my one and only dad? Didn't he know that stealing is a sin?! Kasi bakit niya kinunsinti, may utak pa naman siya! Wala ba siyang alam na pamilyado na si papa? Tangina naman nito! Why was everything so fucked up?!

My cold and shivering palm covered my eyes but I still want to see what's going on. Mahal ko si papa. Mahal namin siya pero bakit ganito ang isinukli niya? Were we that unworthy of his love? Why aren't we enough for him? Bakit kailangan pang bumuo ng iba? Dahil hindi ko maintindihan! Pinalis ko ang mga luha sa aking mga mata at nagkagat ng labi.

Daddy Theo is embracing a woman in his arms while walking. Nasa unahan ang dalawang lalaking bata na nagkukulitan pa. And then there's a man who's following dad and the woman's trail. His hands are on his pockets while showing a coy smile on his lips. Kilala ko siya, nagkasama pa nga kami noon at naging magkaibigan pa.