i rocked back in forth on my bed as if i were in an insane asylum. luke and calum-- luke and calum-- luke and calum.
i want to say i'm happy for them. that i'm okay with this all just because i've been in a coma for two months. sadly, i'm not okay with it.
it's selfish and all, but i want luke all to myself. i can still picture us being that cute couple with the relationship everyone wants.
i wonder if they live together. maybe luke makes him breakfast like he did with me. does he love him more than me? is that why he stopped visiting? because he doesn't love me anymore.
i want to knock on his door and apologize for all the crap i've put him through. the pain... the heartache... who would have known someone would love me?
"michael?" the doctor nocked on the door. "oh, what's up?" i smiled through the tears. "well, you'll be released in a day or two.." he smiled and i did the same. then he sighed. "michael are you okay?" he took a seat next to me on the bed. "uh, ya." i half-heartedly smiled.
"look michael, i know i'm just your doctor, but it seems like you have somethings to work out. i don't mean that in a harsh way, but, um, i think you should see a therapist.
- - - -
"what's your name?" the lady in the pencil skirt asked. she was pale and fragile like luke.
"Um, michael... michael clifford." i sat there awkwardly and just a bit terrified. it was weird to talk to someone about my issues.
"michael, why are you here?" she smiled a terrifying smile. "well, i actually don't know. i'm happy and okay, but the doctor recommended it."
"well then something is wrong. despite what you might think, doctors can tell these kind of things." he said writing down notes. "oh."
- - - -
a few days later
the session lasted for about an hour and then i made my way home.
when i approached my house i saw luke in the front. "michael!" he screamed he ran up and hugged me as if he couldn't let go. "i've missed you so much." i slowly pushed him off. "luke, why are you here? you should be with calum." he was confused, but answered with "calum's going to be gone for a few hours and i went to visit the hospital, but they said you were released... a week ago... why didn't you call?"
"well, i did... you were with calum and I didn't want to disturb you guys. so are you guys dating?" he looked down at his feet. "luke, you can tell me, i'm perfectly okay with you and calum dating." i smiled so fake, it was believable. "well then, ya. calum and i are dating."
we talked for about half and hour and then he made his way home. i walked inside my house and started to cry. how does a person survive like this? i want to die. i need help. i need someone to help me.
(a/n:)
well, my phone is so broken. so, i may have a lot of spelling mistakes, but it's because i've been using this phone to type.
but that's besides the point - i'll try to update more often.
chapter 40 question:
what's your favorite fanfic?
- ashley xx
