I took a dumb blade to my skin. no it wasn't the first time and probably not the last. it was a relapse. all the pain that i've felt, it aught up. my mom, my old friend, luke. everything. i couldn't bare it, so i cut my self.
did anyone care? probably not.
"babe, are you okay? you've been a bit distant." i felt like violet from american horror story and luke wasn't even tate. he wasn't a psychopath, he wasn't hurt or broken, he was so opposite of tate.
"ya, i'm fine." how many times could i lie like that? I pretend that it doesn't hurt to think about luke and i. it hurts to think about how i don't deserve luke. he is so much greater than me.
i walked out to the hall to get some air, but i bumped into someone. "oh look, michael clifford." it was jackass calum hood. "wait, you live here?" i lifted an eyebrow. "yup." i sighed and walked back into the house leaving calum outside by himself.
"can you believe calum lives here?" i asked, throwing my arms in the air. "he does?" luke was putting away coffee cups. "apparently so, i just ran into him." luke shruged, "don't waste your life on that sleeze-bag." he kissed my forehead and continued to put away the cups.
- - - -
i walked into the elevator and with no surprise, as did calum. he wore a Green Day shirt and some skinny jeans. he was pretty hot, but i hate him. "how's moving in?" i rolled my eyes, "listen, i don't need you shit. i'm having a very complicated day and i don't need-"
he kissed me. the bad part is, i kissed back. i fucking kissed back. what am i supposed to tell luke. "hey i kissed calum, no biggie." it would kill him. so, i broke away.
"come on, i thought you were having fun." the elevator stopped and i rushed out.
- - - -
Luke's Point Of View
I decided to visit my mom and tell her how i've been doing. i had been talking about michael nearly all the time i've been at home. i thought that i might as well call him.
"hey, michael." i smiled. "hey, what's up." he sounded nervous and scared. "nothing, are you okay? you don't sound well." he cleared his throat "probably just a little under the weather."
"i'll be home soon to make you some hot soup. miss you." i smiled "miss you too." and then he hung up.
it made me a bit worried. he seemed so distant lately. he seems depressed. I hope he isn't because i can't stand the thought of my michael being sad.
he hasn't been himself. i know he's just lost his mother and all, but i want him to talk to me. i want him to be able to express himself to me. but that's not like michael.
he's unemotional. unless he shows happiness, that's noticeable. that hasn't been show lately and it scares me. i really want him to be okay and happy. not sad and distant.
- - - -
i made my way home in my car. the radio was up pretty loud and i had received a text from michael.
luke i-
i had to take my eyes of the road due to the loud honking. i stomped on my break in time to stop at the stop sign.
i arrived home without checking the text. i was afraid of crashing, so i avoided it.
when i walked into the house there were candles nearly everywhere. the table was set with nice plates and table cloths. i walked to the table questioningly.
"luke, i am so sorry. please don't hate me." i was confused and i assumed it had to do with the text. "about what?" i assumed i sounded like an idiot.
"um, about the calum thing."
"i'm so sorry i swear it meany nothing." but that didn't seem to be it because Michael was on the verge of tears. "michael," i asked grabbing his hand," what is it."
he sat down with me at the table and we talked. he told me about calum and apologized and i was okay. i didn't want to cry or hurt someone. i was okay.
"michael, it's fine." he looked up with red eyes. "i don't care about calum. i care about you. it hurts of course, but it could've been worse. you could've kissed back. why would i be angry at you for telling me the truth. i love you michael."
- - - -
michael and i went out for pizza the next day.
it was around 3PM and michael and i sat in our regular booth. it was nice and calm, but then michael's jacket sleeve slipped up.
he'd cut. multiple times. "michael, what is that?" he looked down and froze. "michael..."
"i... um..." He couldn't seem to find the words. "did i hurt you? was it something i said?" i asked with worry. "no, you're great and i love you. i just don't know anymore."
(a/n:)
I RLLY HOPE THIS IS LONG ENOUGH BC IM RLLY TIRED.
Chapter 33 question:
do you like Hey Violet?
oOooOoO
-ashley xx
