Most of my voicemails were about rent or something dumb and then i came to Ashtons.
"Michael, why haven't you been answering me. I hope your actually fücking alive and i'm not calling someone that doesn't even exist anymore." Ashton had left many other voicemails asking where i was and i was honestly with luke most of the time.
I dialed ashton's number and he answered quickly, "where have you been?" He asked angrily. "Sorry, i've been with-" he sighed, "don't tell me you've been blowing me off for him." I could tell he'd was furious.
"I'm sorry..." I muttered. "Whatever." He said before hanging up. The thought of ashton being angry at me must have meant i was in the wrong because ashton never got angry at me.
I sat on my bed and looked at the wall in front of me. Was i really that involved in luke? Did i really ruin all my relationships?
I contemplated for hours if i should call luke. I finally had come to the conclusion that i needed to take a break from luke. I didn't want to ruin his life by being the weight that pulled him down.
I slowly picked up the phone and dialed his number. "Hello," He said happily, "what's up?"
"Luke, i think..." I sighed into the phone, "i think we need to take a break. It's not your fault i swear. I just think we've distanced ourselves from other people." I could hear him crying on the other end. "I'm so sorry, Luke." He then hung up on me.
I sat there again, staring at my wall. I'd never noticed how lonely i was until i was left in my apartment. I could hear the neighbors laughing from upstairs and wondered what it would be like to have that.
To have a family that will always love me unconditionally. I fell backwards onto the hard mattress. I closed my eyes and began to think of a world away from here. With a family and friends and luke.
I was hopping this would all end. I felt numb. I then cut myself to make sure I wasn't, but i was. It didn't hurt. I continued putting slashes into my arm, hoping that one of then would cause me pain, but none of them did.
I watched the blood leak from my arm. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I wanted to know what was wrong with me.
(a/n:)
school has been so hehdjfjdjs
i promise to update more often.
chapter 22 question:
what time is it at this exact moment?
