The Journey to Escaping Darkness (Book 1)

Chapter 38

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I woke up crying and sweating like crazy. The image of Walter laying on the ground lifeless was imprinted in my mind. God, how I hated that man.

The car was at a full stop. Oliver was was next to me shaking me. I shot up looking at him with eyes full of horror.

He cupped my cheeks and looked me in the eyes. He was digging deep to understand. His eyes so full of worry.

"What's wrong?" He asked me his voice unsteady. His eyes explained everything. He looked like his whole was falling.

"Today." I reasoned faintly. His eyes furrowed. He didn't understand. I didn't want him to. If he did he would hate me. I didn't want to lose him. I was letting someone in. He was saving me in a way no one could. He touched w part of my heart that no one could ever reach.

"I don't understand. What's wrong about today?" He asked frantic. He was desperate to know.

But I couldn't tell him. I knew the out come and I was going to let it happen. "It was just a bad dream, Oliver." I tried pushing it away.

He wouldn't accept my answer. He shook his head, "Tell me." He was begging me almost.

I shook my head saying, "I can't. I'm not the only one at stake if I tell you."

He was completely confused. He still held my face in his hands. "What do you thinks going to happen if you tell me?" He asked collecting clues seeing if how big my secret was.

He had to know how complicated my past was. The only person who knew all of my secrets was London. Oliver had to know there was a mansion full of skeletons in my closet. I had to believe that.

"You'll leave, Oliver. I'll lose more than I can afford at the moment. I'm not the only one at stake. I'm more worried of someone else. Just please drop it." I wanted to forget this day. I knew I never would.

Every time I saw Jefferson I was reminded of Perez. I wanted a new start, but I already used it. When I was queen I was supposed to get a new start, but in reality I still had all the baggage I did before.

"I don't want secrets between us. It complicates things. Trust me I know." He tried to persuade me to tell him. Nothing would work. I would take this secret to my grave.

"I'm sure there are a lot of things you don't want me to know." I pointed out trying to get him to lay off.

Knowing Oliver I should've known it wouldn't work. He was someone who didn't let go of things.

"You know I'm right. So let it go." My voice became strong and low. I was in defense mode.

"I have no issue telling you things. At least not as much as you have telling me." Oliver pointed out.

"You don't need to know my deepest darkest secrets." I told him.

"I want to know you. Let me in."

"You say it like it's easy."

"There shouldn't be a war to decide if you'll let me in or not." He added. He didn't fully understand the difficulty.

"Well, I'm sorry Oliver, that's how it is for me." My voice was even more defensive than before.

"Why?"

"Because of my past!"

"Everyone has a past, but that doesn't mean you need to let it over take you."

"I've lived in hell since the days I was born. Happiness, positivity, being proactive, they aren't things that are included in my world. Darkness, pain, misery, there a constant. People leave, Oliver. It rings in my head. So yes, there is a war going on trying to decide if I should let you in. But even if I let you in, you will never know everything, especially what what today means.

He stared at me angry. He understood a little, but for the most part I knew he couldn't understand. Most people wouldn't, I didn't expect him to.

"What are we then?" He asked with frustration and anger.

"I don't know, Oliver." I answered him with all the defensiveness gone.

He stared into my eyes searching for a better answer. But I didn't have a better answer.

"I need to know what we are." He told me. He was slightly pleading. I wanted to have an answer for him, but I don't.

I didn't know what I wanted from him. I didn't know how far my feelings went towards him.

"I don't have an answer for you." I explained.

"What do you want?" He asked me softly. There were only so many people who truly cared like that.

"I don't know, Oliver. The only time I ever experienced something like this was a thousand years ago. I'm about as clueless I was the first time." He laughed after I said I was clueless.

"Take it slow, no labels." He suggested. I smiled and nodded agreeing. He gave me quick sweet kiss. He got back on the drivers side and started the car again.

We were on our way home. Sometimes I wish that day never ended. My world once again changed drastically after that day. My strength was tested once again.