The Journey to Escaping Darkness (Book 1)

Chapter 35

Not edited

We laid there on the couch in silence. He had his back against the cushion and he wrapped his arms around my stomach almost in a possessive manner. He snuggled his head in my shoulder. He was snoring lightly making me smile. It was a sweet sight.

I loved how he was different. He was never mean. He never lied. He never had an issue telling the truth. He knew how to bring my sprit up, or make an awful tone for the rest of my week.

I started to wonder how things would be if Thomas was still here. I hated how I did that. Oliver and Thomas were incomparable. I loved Thomas, I didn't understand my feelings for Oliver.

Every time I began to understand the reality of our relationship, it changed somehow. Wether it was my mind or the way his attitude changed towards me.

Thomas never made me feel the way Oliver did. It was almost like I needed them both in a different way.

Thomas was someone I passed in my moment of weakness. He gave me a second chance in life. Then again, he always basically gave me a death sentence. He was my sun. But when he left my world turned into a dark world.

Oliver was someone brought to me. He knew how to change my mood in the blink or an eye. He never had an issue telling me the truth. Oliver cared, but in a different way. He was the moon that's been helping me. He's slowly bringing me back to the lighter side.

I knew that neither of these phases would last. Thomas was the past. Oliver is the future. I was going to fight like hell to keep it that way. I wasn't about to lose another man. I would win this game in love. If it was the last thing I do.

I had more issues than the Bermuda Triangle has had deaths. The scary part was I knew that I hadn't hit rock bottom. I was still falling. But I was fighting to soar back up.

I slowly got out of Oliver's grip and walked out to the shed out back. I walked in and flicked on the lights. There was one that flickered slightly in the middle of the room. I walked to the back grabbing Thomas' journal.

I opened it looking at the pages scanning the pages. A tear drop flowed down my cheek hitting the page. I read the page again.

I'm failing at this life. I should be better. Raven deserves better. She's young and beautifully magical. She lights up a room. I'm only bringing her down, but I need her. I can't live without hearing her voice, waking up next to her, and hearing her sing along to those stupid musicals. It hit me when my best friend Melody asked if I loved myself more than I loved her. I don't know.

I kept reading the page to make sure I wasn't seeing what my self conscious always knew. I shook my head not believing it. I fell to the ground crying.

He might not have known it, but I did. He loved himself more than me. He put himself first when he left me all alone. "You bastard!" I yelled at the journal.

My emotions were piling up inside. All the wounds I chose to ignore were rising to the surface.

I was losing control again of my emotions. That's why I ignored them. I grabbed the journal and ripped out that page. I wanted to remember this. I needed to remember Thomas as he was, a selfish, coward, bastard who didn't know how to handle the truth.

I started laughing as I analyzed myself. I've been doing the exact same thing Thomas did. The only difference was I wasn't planning on killing myself any time soon. I had plans. I needed a way out, but I wasn't going to end my life. I didn't create this mess, but I was going to clean it up.

My start was chosen for me. But I damn sure was going to fix it. I had a shaky foundation leaving the rest of my life to be a total disaster.

My future was uncertain. But there were things I knew for sure. I knew the things that would never leave my heart. The things that would haunt me until the end of my days.

That's why I knew I had to give Thomas up. He was gone. He was what pushed me over the edge. What we had wasn't true. If it was he would have let me go before going. He didn't put me first.

I need to let him go. I knew I'd always always love him. But he needed to stay in the past.

I got up off the ground grabbing the book and ripped page. I wiped my tear stained face. I walked to the doorway of the shed and turned around looking back. My bittersweet feeling taking in all the memories that returned.

"Goodbye, Thomas." I spoke softly. Not a tear fell from my face. I knew the truth. It didn't hurt so much anymore. I smiled lightly turning off the light and leaving the shed.

I walked back up into the house. I hovered over the couch. I watched as Oliver looked so calm. His breathing steady and rhythmic. "To a new beginning." I said gently. I laid down next to Oliver cuddling my head into his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close.

I never felt more peaceful than I did in that moment. It was forever cherished in my heart.