A Penny For Your Tears

Thirty

Beep, Beep

What was that sound?

Beep, Beep

Someone turn that off.

Beep, Beep

My eyes fluttered open, desperate to turn off that noise. I winced, shielding my eyes from harshness of the light that shone brightly into my face. The strong smell of alcohol and disinfectant hitting my nostrils. Where was I? I tried to sit up in my bed but my body screamed in pain. Only then did, I did I see the numerous tubes, that were pierced into the skin and my eyes followed them till I found the source of the beeping noise, a Holter monitor. I was in a hospital.

"Olivia?" Elias asked and suddenly he was in front of me. Wait, what Elias? He wasn't supposed to be here, where was here? "Olivia, thank God." He hugged me tightly and I bit my lip as I tried not too wince, he was holding my fragile body too tightly, as if he was too scared to let me go. " I have to get a nurse." Elias moved to leave the room,however I quickly grabbed on to his arm.

"Elias." My voice came out soft and raspy, barely audible as if I hadn't spoken in weeks. "Elias," I repeated. He looked at me, taking several steps back so he was standing next to my bed and gently holding my hand. "What happened? Where am I and why are you here and not in Russia?" Elias looked at me in shock, mouth opening and closing as if he knew what to say but he didn't know how.

"Olivia, I came back from Russia two weeks ago." He said slowly. "Fuck, I should probably get a nurse, this isn't good."

"No, Elias, wait what do you mean two weeks ago? What happened to me?"

"Olivia, you fell from your balcony." He answered simply and I stared at him incredulously, refusing to believe him. I looked down at my body to see my leg was wrapped in a cast and my arm that previously already was in a cast, was now a in new one that was even larger than before. Black and blue bruises littered my body and when I felt my face, I could feel a large gash on my forehead that had been stitched and several other, smaller cuts.

"I fell from my balcony?" I repeated, trying to recall how I could have ever been so reckless as to fall from a fucking balcony. I looked at Elias' face to see a large bruise under his right eye that was slowly fading away and his knuckles were bandaged.It all hit me like a tonne of bricks and my eyes widened as my hands trembled in realization.Volkov, getting beaten up, Elias saving me and then leaving, the nightmares and then the balcony. I jumped. I had actually fucking made the jump.

"What, Olivia, what is it?" Elias asked worriedly upon noticing my sudden change in emotion, I pushed him away and turned away from me. I had actually jumped, I couldn't believe it, I could have been dead right now. Never, in these last painful four years had I ever contemplated suicide, even when Luca's torture seemed never ending or when I lost my parents I never lost hope. So why, why would I consider it now?

"Olivia," Elias began softly as he slowly began to piece things together. "You jumped on purpose didn't you?" I didn't reply, the only indication he had that his assumptions were correct was my trembling body as choked sobs escaped my lips. Elias quickly rushed to other side of my bed, so we were looking at each other eye to eye.

"Please just leave me alone." I begged, slightly ashamed of my actions. What I did was reckless and so out of character for me, I wasn't suicidal never had been so why, why would I do such a thing? All I knew that something had prompted me to, something called me to do it and I did.

"Olivia, why?" Elias questioned as he latched onto my arm, tears welling up in his eyes. Good question, Elias , I'd like to know the answer to that myself.