Always been you

2020 (16)

Every time someone says goodbye and leaves, my heart starts to race faster. At this point I don't know how I am going to survive being alone with Camila later.

Kaiden isn't so excited about leaving, or so I think when he says goodbye with a weird handshake and his shoulders down. Not a good sign for someone that apparently does yoga regularly. I try to hide my smile.

Camila is at the door dealing with the last guests when she calls me.

"What's up?", I ask.

"Natalie forgot her phone in the backyard. Can you go get it, please?", she asks me and Natalie looks at me with pleading eyes.

"Yes, sure", I say and jog outside. I really don't mind.

"He's so cute", Natalie tells Camila and I hear her when I'm on my way back.

"Yeah", Camila agrees and that makes me want to puff my chest.

"Tell me teenage Camila had fun with him", Natalie tease. "I don't buy the story of you two just being friends".

"Why is that so hard to believe?", Camilas asks with a chuckle. At this point I'm not longer walking, but frozen in place listening to their conversation.

"Because you have eyes", her friend says.

"Well you need more than eyes to fall for someone".

"I wasn't talking about falling, just... hooking up".

Camila's response leaves a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. What did that mean? So she never felt something different for me? We were just fuck buddies? That was all I was for her?

"Here's your phone", I say finally joining them and giving Natalie her phone.

"Thank you so much, Shawn", she says and looks at me upside down, very flirty.

"My pleasure", I reply matching her energy.

Flirting with someone else in front of Camila used to made me feel powerful, but I just feel dirty this time. Maybe because I now know it has no effect on her like I thought it did.

"I hope we can see each other around", Natalie tries again.

"We'll see", I say with a new attitude now. I'm not interestes on entertaining her anymore. "Work is keeping me busy".

"Right", she nods and then I leave so she can say goodbye to Camila.

I'm cleaning outside and throwing the beer cans in a bag when Camila comes to my side.

"It's ok, I can do that tomorrow", she tells me.

"I'll be done in a second", I say and keep doing my thing without looking at her.

I'm clueless about my role in his life now. I always thought of Camila like someone more than a friend. I mean, we really crossed that line before. But to know that she never thought of me like that, because I wasn't more than just a pretty face to her with no substance was tough. It was heartbreaking. It was crushing.

I continued cleaning because that kept my mind off of other things. At some point, Camila joins me but I just notice when she stands in front of me with a smile and two bag in her hands.

"We're done", she announces.

"Yeah", I say looking around to see that everything was nice and ready now.

"Thank you, Shawn", she says and leaves to put the bag away.

"I'm gonna leave now", I announce after washing my hands.

"Leave?", Camila asks me with a confused laugh.