Always been you

2020 (32)

I take a deep breath before following Camila inside the room. My head is going places and I'm too out of my mind to think about anything else at this point.

She's looking for something in her bag and I can feel my heart hammering inside my chest. That iconic scene from The Office comes to my mind, when Michael tells everyone to stay calm when he himself can't; I want to laugh at it, but I try to remain calmed myself.

"Here it is", she finally says and turns around with a small squared package in her hand.

It's happening, I think, and this time the phrase actually stays solely in my mind.

"What's that?", I ask naive, even though I have a fair idea of what it can be.

"You know what it is", she whispers and her voice is enough to send shivers down my spine.

"Are we... I... Do you want to...?", I fight with my words and she chuckles.

"Yes", she replies adamant. "Of course".

I sit down on the edge king size bed, not because I want to rush things but because this is too much and my head can't wrap itself around it. She sits next to me and I can feel the heat radiating from her body over my skin.

"Here", she says and puts her hand in front of me.

I bring my hand out and open it, waiting for her to give me what she has. I hope she doesn't notice I'm already sweating. The room is dark, just the outside lighting helping us see, so I just feel when she puts it on my palm. I frown. It's heavier than I expected. And harder... Also, the shape it's different. What the...?

"Take one half", she says.

It's chocolate. It's a fucking chocolate bar.

"Ok", I mouth not so thrilled anymore.

I peel the envelope and crack the chocolate bar in two pieces. I give one to her and bring the other piece to my mouth. It's sweet and milky but I'm not enjoying as I should be.

Fuck.

I'm such an idiot.

"I love this", she moans next to me and I instantly stand up because I can't take it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing", I say and walk inside the bathroom to cool down.

What a naive and stupid idiot. She just wanted to taste some chocolate and here I was thinking she wanted to have sex with me. It's my fault obviously for assuming. I want to punch myself.

It takes me a few moments to relax and I wait before I go back to the room. Camila is in the exact same spot in bed.

"Is everything alright?", she asks me.

It's incredible how I used to feel so powerful and confident around her before, but I feel so little now. Things were better when my feeling were hidden and my ego wasn't hurt, I guess.

"Yes. Fine", I reply and stripped down my clothes to get in the twin bed to sleep.

"Uh", I hear her say. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to bed", I explain taking off my pants.

"You can sleep here", she says.

"This bed is fine".

"This one is bigger".

"I don't mind. You sleep there".

"I will, but you can also get in here...", she whispers and I'm too close to losing my mind.

"What are you doing?", I ask her.

I need her to stop playing games with me.

"What do you want me to do?", she murmurs and bites her lower lip innocently.