Dangerous quiet things (lexa x you)

*'you knew about the missile?; chapter 40

i could hear muffled conversations coming from nearly every direction. the slight ringing in my ears along with the stabbing pain in my gut was enough to make me want to scream out in pain.

"we need more anesthetics otherwise she's gonna wake up!" was the only clear sentence i could make out. feeling a hard grip pull on the muscles in my stomach made me jolt upright and whoever was near me to stumble back. "slow down y/n, you need to lay back down" a voice said to my left causing my head to snap it that direction, oh how that was a bad idea. the muscles in my stomach pulled harder and the ringing and muffled sounds intensified a lot due to the sudden movement.

in my peripheral i could see Abby looking at me concerned after i sat upright again when the ringing subsided. 'I'm fine' i could see Abby shaking her head "if not for the shard of metal that was sticking out of your abdomen and insistent blood loss than yes, you would be fine" Abby mumbled. 'how bad is it?' Abby had now moved to be standing next to the operation bed i was sitting on "it could be worse, but the looks of it, it didn't hit any major arteries or organs, it was just lodged in you stomach muscles. but you did loose a lot of blood and we've been here before y/n so you already know that we don't have anyone with your blood type" Abby sighed and i nodded. i looked down at my stomach seeing that that had a bloody crimson cloth pressed to where the metal used to be 'well if i don't need any internal surgery than hand me a knife' Abby looked confused and i saw Jackson look over at me from where he was tending to an older woman. "why?" Abby asked stepping forward and grabbed my hand that was wondering around the cloth and moving it back. i saw movement to my right and looked over seeing 3 people sitting on chairs one of them being Anya and the others being octavia and Lincoln. Anya stood up and made her way over after unbuckling something on her shoe and pulling out a knife, she passed the knife to me handle first and i nodded a thanks a her. i wrapped my left hand carefully around the blade and slowly started adding more energy. soon enough i had the blade a bright red and a small layer of sweat had formed on my forehead. i took a deep breath and i moved the cloth out of the way and pressed the scorching blade against the gash firmly, my face scrunched up in pain and disgust as i could hear my skin sizzling from the heat and the smell radiated after i removed the blade from my skin that had melted and closed the gash. i handed the blade to Anya and she chucked it in a small tin of water for it to cool down. 'glad to see that your alive' Anya nodded "same goes" i sent her a small smile 'not to be rude or anything but why are you in here?' i looked around me seeing i was in the ark medical ward 'and how did i get here?' Anya let out a small chuckle before motioning her head over to the old lady Jackson was still helping out "my mother" my eyes widen and i nodded "and a bit after you passed out Lincoln took out the shooter and some people came from Arcadia to take wounded with them" i nodded before my eyes widen 'wheres lexa and clarke? what happened to them?' she looked back at me and went to speak before she got cut off "they're both alright, they helped me take out the shooter" i sighed in relief but i didn't miss octavia glaring at the floor and i couldn't tell if she was plotting to kill someone or whether or not something else was wrong. 'are they here?' Anya looked at me confused before realising i was referring to clarke and lexa. "I'm not sure" Anya said cautiously while looking back at Lincoln only to see him shrug. i nodded in defeat.

but that defeat was only momentary as the door to the medical opened harshly and lexa came striding in and going straight to Lincoln "is she here?" i heard her ask him and he nodded while motioning over to me with his head. lexa turned around and our eyes locked, her eyes turned soft for a second but straight away turned back to a hard and murky expression, clearly something was wrong. she walked up to where Anya and i were. "i'd like to speak with y/n alone" she said leaving no argument. Abby went to protest but Jackson just placed his hand on her shoulder and motioned to the door.

soon enough the medical room was empty and lexa was just staring at me expectantly. "what happened y/n?! i thought i told you to leave tonDC" she said loudly making me flinch at the sudden noise. i didn't know what to say, i thought she was coming to check on me, maybe see if I'm alright but no, its all orders with her, all 'you do everything i say'. it made me frown and my chest start to hurt which confused me. 'it happened before i could leave' she let out a sigh "the whole point in you leaving was to keep you safe but you end up nearly dying anyway" she was pinching the bridge of her nose and i could tell she was mad. "i thought that we could leave and i wouldn't have to worry about you getting caught up in this mess" she grunted and my brows furrowed 'we?' who's we. did she know about the missile, 'so i wouldn't get caught up in this mess' kept paying through my head 'you knew about the missile?' i asked but i dint need an answer as the sudden realisation of what she said hit her face. "i-" she sighed out "yes" she mumbled 'you let all those people die' i shook my head in disbelief and she went to protest. 'who's 'we'? lexa' she looked at me in the eyes and i could see she was trying to convince herself she did the right thing but the wash of regret in her eyes gave her away "Bellamy radioed, that's why clarke was in tonDC. she came to warn us" she explained 'who's plan was it? because i know damn straight Bellamy would never make nor agree to a plan that would put octavia in danger' she sighed in defeat "it was clarke and i, but we couldn't tell or get everyone to evacuate otherwise the mountain would know somethings up and Bellamy would get caught" i chuckled bitterly 'than whats the point of having an inside man if we cant use the information he gives us to our advantage' i know she could tell i was pissed. "I'm sorry" i looked up only to see lexa looking down at the sheets i was sitting on "i did the best i could at the time, with the information i had" i nodded but i was still mad. 'okay' she looked up at me 'well what now? lexa' she looked confused with her brows furrowed 'all the clan leaders were there in tonDC lexa, most likely their all dead, what do we do now?' i could tell she was thinking but she looked kinda clueless "what do you mean? im the commander, they will follow me into war, they will save their people" i nodded 'what about Azgeda?' she was trying to gain back her confidence but i could tell it was wavering with the subject of Azgeda. "Azgeda has people in the mountain as well, do you think they would not want to save them?" she asked but i don't think she was really looking for an answer so i just shrugged. she walked closer to the bed and sat down next to me, her eyes trained on the fresh burn on my stomach. "you might want to put some disinfectant on that, it would be a inconvenience for it to get infected" i nodded and lexa looked up, green meeting y/e/c.

the vibrant colour of her eyes was dwindling from everything this cruel world has thrown at her and all the impossible choices she's had to make from such a young age. she slowly lent forward and planted her lips on my cheek, too close to the lips to be considered friendly yet too far away to be considered a kiss but it'll do, for now. she held her lips there for a couple of seconds before pulling back an inch or two. "I'm sorry" she whispered. she stood up off of the bed but didn't remove her eyes off of mine. "we're marching the mountain tomorrow. i want you to stay here" she spoke while clearing her throat and gaining some confidence 'what?! you cant do that' this is unbelievable, i understand she wants me safe but I'm even more capable of fighting a battle than her. "you heard me, your hurt y/n we cant risk it. you slow us down" she spoke dismissively but i shook my head firmly 'you can't, you guys need me there' i tried to protest but i knew she wouldn't budge because of how stubborn she is. "i can and i will. you'll thank me one day" and with that she walked out of the room while i sat there in disbelief.

lexa's pov

i hate doing this to her. everything in my head is screaming at me 'love is weakness' but i don't love her, i don't right?. i kept telling myself i needed to do this, she needs to be safe. i cant go through what might happen to her if she fights at the mountain. I'm not loosing her like i did costia, I'm not sure i'd survive that. i guess i can only hope that she'll forgive me for all the wrong I've done.