Unsteady | ✓

Chapter 42 : Scars

"Gauri, " he called entering the room behind her. He had not only felt that scar but also had a glimpse of it.

"I can't!" She said looking everywhere but at him.

"Gauri, is it those scars stopping you or...something else?" He asked to get clarity.

Gauri simply shook her head not answering and turned away. Within seconds she realized he deserved to know that it wasn't him it was the scars stopping him. She couldn't push him into a pit of self doubt. "They are ugly, Om! I jus... I can't." She said stifling a sob, not bothering to turn to meet his eyes.

"Hey," he said softly walking up to her. Holding her shoulders he made her sit on the bed. Tears were sparkling in her eyes and her cheeks appeared reddish. 

"Gauri, what you and I have between us... it's beyond the physical aspect. Our physical intimacy is only a way to express all that, that is left out to convey. As for scars, they are just physical. I know you had a miscarriage. I don't know how you dealt with it or anything more. But I know you had a rough phase. But trust me Gauri, nothing will ever stop me from loving you, nothing!" He held her hand firmly as he said those words.

Gauri was moved but unconvinced. "Omkara, they are very ...ugly!" A tear escaped her right eye.

"Gauri, I have learned from you, to love a person for what they are instead of what they look on the outside. I don't care about scars or anything else. You will always be the most wonderful person in my life. And I understand, your insecurity. I can relate to it."

Gauri really wished she had the guts to tell him her darkest fears and show him that these scars had a way deeper, uglier emotion and meaning than he was assuming.

He placed his one hand on her knee while the other cradled her face. "Trust me, there was a time when I wasn't confident being with you. You were pretty and, honestly, I never found myself good in any way. But then when you looked at me, like I was some prince charming, when you held my hand and guided it when I feared touching you, when you simply loved me for what I was, I had no other option but to believe I had it in me to love you back."

He kissed her hand. "I understand if you need still more time, Gauri. But I want you to know, I won't ever leave. I will always be here for you. And I promise, I will die but not break this promise."

Tears streamed down Gauri's face. She gently cradled his face in her hands and bent forward to kiss his forehead. In that tiny moment she realized that Omkara was so strong. After everything, he had been brave enough to love her. And after being hurt over and over, he was still here before her, this time revealing all of himself before her. Baring his ugliest flaw.

It takes courage to show your scars to anyone. Especially if that someone is the person who you love, who you wish to belong to, who is your home. Because the ugliest fear is there. The fear of being rejected and abandoned. The fear of not being beautiful in the eyes of the person you love most.

Omkara was brave, she was not. She didn't know how Omkara managed to show her all the pain and scars of the past. He was so truthful. She didn't have the courage to tell him that she had killed their baby. That she was the one solely responsible for the fact that today, they didn't have their baby and accountable for the fact that they would never again have one.

"Listen," he said gently caressing her hair. "It's not going to be easy, I know. But please, don't... don't give up."

" I won't!" Gauri replied. It was too late to give up. 

"Good, I think you need a hug!"

"Very much!" Gauri smiled through her tears. He sat on the bed beside her and took her in an embrace.