The Way You Make Me Feel [ J.J ]

13.

tw; smut but actually it's more passionate than smut but not exactly love making?

JJ had come in later that night, and simply held me. No words needed to be spoken. She knew I was hurting, and she knew that all I needed was someone to just be there for me. And that's what she did. Would it have been better coming from me? Probably. But like Kristy said- I wasn't ready to talk about what happened yet. I still needed to heal myself first.

The night was filled with stolen kisses and us watching Parks and Recreation on my laptop, which happened to be my comfort show. JJ was being so supportive through all of this, and it surprised me. Mostly because I hadn't had anyone who was that supportive in my life before, and I wanted it to last forever. I was scared that something was going to happen, but I couldn't let myself get consumed by my fear. I needed to just be present. Don't think about things that could be- that's what my therapist told me way back when. Think about the here and the now, and what's happening at that moment. And at that moment, I was truly happy. I was with my girl... whatever she was to me, and for once, I didn't think of Caroline.

I thought of everything but her.

We woke up the next morning and I made sure to put on a brave face for the kids, knowing that Chloe would feel extra bad that she made me sad. I made sure she knew that I wasn't mad, and promised her that I wasn't hurt by what she said. We all had breakfast and ended up taking the kids to the park, Matt and Kristy watching them play around while JJ and I took a walk. We walked around the nature trail surrounding the park, hand in hand and talking about everything except the one thing we needed to talk about. Us. I didn't know what we were, she didn't know what we were, and the kids were questioning everything about us. JJ told me how they questioned her for ten straight minutes the night before while they were getting ready for bed, insisting that JJ help them so they could talk to her in private, away from Matt and Kristy. It was sweet, seeing them be so protective of me. It made me sad though, that I didn't get to really experience JJ with the kids, since I was locked up in my depression hole yesterday. But today was a new day, and I was determined to make the best of it.

By the time we made it back to the car, the twins were slumped in their car seats and the boys were rambling on about how they were fighting off some imaginary kraken that was trying to take over the playscape. I laughed, the feeling of normalcy starting to come back. It was taking so much strength to get out of bed today, but I knew at the end of the day it would have all been worth it since I got to spend it with my family and JJ. JJ squeezed my hand, smiling at me. She must have known it was tough for me to be doing this, and she was there by my side through all of it. The fact that she was so supportive meant alot, considering what I had previously been through. There was so much that I needed to unpack, but now wasn't the time. For now, I was with the people who truly loved me, and the one person who I cared about more than she'll ever know.

We made it back to the house and I helped Kristy take everything inside, curling up on the couch with JJ while we watched TV during quiet time. It was nice, the whole dynamic- everything felt normal. Like we truly belonged here. Together. And I was loving every second of it. JJ was running a hand up and down the dip of my hip when the twins came bursting down the stairs, all energized from their nap. They pulled the two of us off the couch, telling us that we needed to get all of the blankets downstairs now for the pillow fort, and that we couldn't wait. JJ and I helped the kids bring every single blanket and pillow we could find downstairs, throwing it all in the living room before Matt and Kristy came to help us set up the base of the fort.

By the time it was done, it was nearing dinner time and the kids were begging to watch a movie before they ate. I gave Kristy and Matt a look, telling them to go to the kitchen while JJ and I stayed with the kids. I navigated through Netflix, laughing as they fought over which movie to watch, ultimately ending up watching Frozen- which apparently this was the fifth time this week they've watched it. Lilly settled herself on my lap, leaning into JJ's side while Chloe laid her head on JJ's legs, sticking her thumb in her mouth. The boys sat on the right side of us, pretending to be interested in the movie but it was clear that they were more interested in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle show David was playing on the family iPad. I shared a look with JJ, stealing a quick kiss from her as I laid my head on her shoulder, smiling at the thought of what we were doing. It felt utterly domestic, but I loved it. I had never seen myself settling down after Caroline, but now that I was realizing what it could be- what we could have, it felt right.