My One And Only

Chapter 18

Trigger warning: Self harm, Overdose

Jess POV

When I wake up I see the bed empty, Eva and Anna must've got up.

I was kind of glad they weren't here I can feel that I'm having one of those days today which usually last a few days but I need to cover it up.

I knew this was going to happen but this feels worse than what they usually are.

Why do I still have to have these days I just want to feel normal again and anyway I should be happy Eva became my girlfriend last night and she is the best person ever, I thought everything was going right for once.

I reluctantly get up and go to the bathroom I grab my meds and then go back and sit on my bed and just stare at my meds.

I ended up stopping taking them as they were having no effect maybe I should take them.

No I don't want to take them though I just want to feel happy without having to rely on a stupid fucking pill.

I put them on my bedside table and then go downstairs.

---

Three days later

It's been a few days and I'm not feeling any better infact I'm feeling worse and I'm having thoughts.

Fuck why did this have to happen I thought moving to LA would help but clearly not.

---

Three days later

I'm still having thoughts why does it have to be like this.

I get up and go downstairs.

"Hey Jess" Dev says and comes and hugs me "hey" I say and force a smile

I go through to the living room and see Sab, Cooper and Zach.

I sit down and start twiddling my thumbs.

Why do I have to feel like this, I've been fine since moving to LA but the second I don't take my meds I feel like this.

Why can't I just be normal like everyone else here, I can't tell anyone I'm feeling like this I'll be a burden to them.

"Are you okay Jess" Zach asks "yeah I'm fine why wouldn't I be"

"Are you sure" Cooper asks "oh God yes I'm fucking fine" I snap

Shit I shouldn't take it out on them.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have shouted" I say before walking away leaving them shocked

I go to walk to the kitchen but as I walk past the the front door it opens and Katie, Anna and Eva walk in.

"Morning dipshit" Katie shouts "jeez be fucking quiet" I shout back at her and she looks taken aback

I look at Eva and Anna and they looked shocked.

"Are you okay bub" Eva asks "why does everyone keep asking I'm fucking fine" I shout at them before running upstairs

I slam my door shut and then run to the bathroom and lock the door.

I then slide down the door and burst into tears.

I look up and see my razor in the shower, I also see pills in my bathroom cabinet.

I stand up and grab the razor and pills then sit back down on the floor against the wall this time, at this point this is the only thing that will cure my pain.

I take all the pills and then take my sweatpants off and slowly bring the razor to my thigh.

Eva POV

"Um what just happened" Anna asks

"well I said morning to Jess and she-" "Katie I know what happened it was a figure of speech" Anna says cutting her off

Just the Sab, Cooper and Zach walk over.

"Was that Jess shouting again" Sab asks

"Again" I question "yeah she didn't seem right earlier and we asked her if she was okay and she kind of just snapped" Cooper says

"There's something not right" Sab says  "yeah she's never like this" Anna says

Then it clicks to me she's still depressed just because it isn't as bad as it used to be doesn't mean she doesn't have down days.

"Shit" I say and run up to her room

I barge in her room and she isn't there I see that her bathroom door is shut so she's probably in there.

I go to open it but the door is locked.

"Bub please come out" I say softly

"I don't want to though" she sniffs "but you don't want to do anything stupid" I say

"What like cut myself it's a bit too late for that"

"Wait I didn't say that" she says

"No Jess please stop whatever your doing" I beg

I try to open the door but it won't open.

"Jess" I shout but get no reply

"Bub" no reply again

"JESS" I say over and over again but no reply

"Shit shit shit" I say

"ANNA" I scream at the top of my lungs and she's next to me in seconds

"What is it" she asks concerned "just help me kick this door down Je-Jess is in there and I think she's unconscious"

"Oh fuck" she says

We both ram our shoulders against the door and eventually the lock breaks and the door fly's open.

I look down to see a pool of blood and an unconscious Jess.