The Challenge: Double Agents

A Muddy Matter

I just lost Jay in more ways than one and I thought nearly losing Christian was hard, but losing Jay is ten times worse than any pain I experienced. Even the numerous years of abuse from my father does not compare to the heartache and suffering I am going through right now. I know I am more hurt than ever in this situation because I know Jay is right in feeling the way he is. I know what he did to me week one was only game and I decided to be petty and use it against him, even though I had told him that we have gotten through it.

I decided that my real and most treasured relationship in and out of the game was less important than winning this game. I brought this onto myself, but it still does not make it easier to know that my friend got hurt because of me. I am just like my father and I am so ashamed because I have tried so much not to be like him. I enter the villa after talking with Christian about staying in the game and I see everyone is acting like the whole fight between Jay and I did not happen at all.

I am genuinely happy that Leroy got his skull even if it had to come at the cost of my friendship with Jay. Working with these two so far has been helpful and they are the only two I can fully trust right now. Even my partner is starting to act oceans away from me in conversations and I am wondering if it is time to make a big move and throw myself into elimination. I have never lost an elimination and most times, I have thrown myself into elimination in to make a move, which has helped me every time. Big T is a joy to be around, but in this game, I think our time as partners is reaching its imminent end.

Kam, Leroy, Nany, and I celebrate Lee's win and it leads to the topic of who Kam and Leroy want out of this game. Kam is still threatened by Theresa and does not want Lolo to make it far in this game. I never in a million years thought I would ever say this statement, but Lolo, the Olympian, is not a threat to win anything in this game. I walk by Nam and Lolo and I see them fighting about who they are individually working with in this game. I decide to help them out by telling them to win a daily challenge and throw themselves in.

I get why Lolo is frustrated because no one wants to throw her in on the girl's side and no one wants to throw me in on the guy's side. The only person who I think would help me get my Golden Skull is Amber B because she knows how badly I want this. I continue floating around the house the whole night and day and I can tell that some people are concerned about my change in behaviour, but how would you act when you feel alone for the third time and are currently hurting after a breakup? I am doing this because if not, I will lose my shit on someone and I do not want to do that on national television.

We get called for the daily mission and as we are heading up to it, I see a muddy water ring and nothing else. I immediately get pumped because I get to hit some people and let out all of this anger I have inside of me. I know Fessy and Josh are two of the house targets this week and I want to make sure I have a say in the matter so Josh goes in and hopefully goes home. The challenge is called All Brawl and we have to rush into the mud pit five at a time to find a Challenge relic and bring it out of the pit. Whoever wins moves onto part two where TJ says he will explain later what happens.

Heat one is Aneesa, Big T, Kam, Lolo, and Nany and my first thought is that Big T is royally screwed with this group. Every single girl in the group is scrappy and strong as hell, whether it looks like it or not on the outside. The round starts and the girls are skimming the water trying to find the relic and I swear it is taking them forever to find it. All of a sudden, Nany reacts like she won the lottery without realizing that she now has four girls to beat to the end of the pit in order to win the heat. Lolo and Aneesa get a bit handsy and while those two go after Nany, Nany throws the relic on accident and Kam grabs it, takes it to the end of the pit, and wins the heat.

I know Nany is mad at herself right now but Lolo is really mad at Aneesa right now and it reminds me of her time on Celebrity Big Brother. Lolo and Aneesa are still fighting and I cannot tell if this is an act on Lolo's end or if she is just losing it over her experience with Nam and this whole game. The next heat is Fessy, Josh, Kyle, Mechie, and Nam and I am glad I am not in this group, but I wish this was shirtless. The guys run like they were just shot out of a cannon and I see everyone has a different strategy to find the relic.