12.02.21
I have that dread deep inside
when I know I'm going to see him.
It makes me so uneasy,
I'm so full of anxiety.
Then I hearing his laugh
I'm filled with fluttering butterflies inside.
I hear him talk so nice,
before I know, it my imagination takes off
wishing it was me-
In the short amount of time I'm here
I'm in this limbo state of "it could be"
I trick myself into thinking "maybe-"
Then it hits me.
If he saw all this he'd label me as crazy
because this is who I am,
I'm mental.
I'm so broken up inside I turn to every guy.
I become so invested, so connected
it's like a dream, so perfect.
Only to crash down to reality when I'm reminded
how stupid I am to feel.
To hurt when there's no point in hurting.
To love anyone thinking they could be The One.
In the end this is all I have,
this strange hope that keeps me going
to stop me doing something worse,
like dying.
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4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me
PoetryI've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my...
