09.09.20
It's finally working, people are noticing
I was finally happy, I felt okay.
Now it's like my high came crashing down.
It's not good enough, I'm still not good enough!
It doesn't matter what I do, I'm still the same in their eyes.
You know what, their wish came true!
They wished that I stopped eating
they wished I'd be thin, so now I'm suffering.
All their wishing is hurting me,
because they don't see how damaging it is
they don't see how much I'm bleeding.
Why can't they just love me, the way they love them?
I can't ever please them!
They criticize everything I do, they reprimand everything I don't
I know I'm a failure because I couldn't even pass,
you don't have to remind me when someone brings it up.
There's only so much I can try and joke about.
Issues like this just make me want to hide
they make me want to cry, I can't win even if I try.
I thought grandparents' love is unconditional, but it feels like a lie.
I can't live up to their expectations, but I'm still trying
I'm trying even though it feels like it's killing me.
I'm trying even though I know there's no point,
but I can't help but try.
Maybe if I try harder, then they'll finally be happy.
Maybe if I try harder, they'll finally love me.
Maybe if I try harder, the pain will eventually numb and go.
Maybe if I try harder, everything will work out.
Maybe if I try harder, It won't hurt anymore.
YOU ARE READING
4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me
PoetryI've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my...
