23.09.20
I haven't felt like this in a while.
It's like excitement and happy,
but my anxiety holds it all back.
I'm really nervous and I'm having trouble breathing,
butterflies in my stomach are stopping me from eating.
I'm trying not to get my hopes up,
but it's so, so hard.
One second I'm happily smiling
the next I'm trying hard not to start crying.
It's the big What if?
It feels like an exam I haven't studied for.
I think I'm having a panic attack
thinking about everything that could go wrong.
What if this is another one of my mistakes?
What if he's already taken?
What if I keep putting it off and lose this chance forever?
I know it's up to me
and I don't want to be the one that holds me back,
but what if I get hurt again?
Or I'm rejected?
If that happens I think I'll actually break into a million pieces.
I'm just so scared and nervous
and I don't know what to say.
I feel like I don't have enough data,
I just have to take a leap of faith.
Yes it could go right,
but more importantly,
what if it goes worse than I thought?
YOU ARE READING
4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me
PoetryI've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my...
