02.09.20
I never got a real childhood.
I feel like I was never a child in the first place.
I stopped being a child the moment I realised
I was walking on eggshells.
What kind of childhood is one filled with thoughts of death?
Being treated like a child, I couldn't grow up.
Telling me to be more mature, yet treating me otherwise.
Witnessing trauma and pain- I can barely think about it.
I should be dead,
but for some reason God wanted me alive.
I could never just die.
Now I'm finally being treated like an adult,
man I want to cry.
I was in such a hurry to grow up, I missed out of all the good times.
I should be happy, but I'm not.
Instead I'm hurt, confused,
you can't even imagine just how badly I'm damaged,
but at least you want to try and fix it.
You ask if I'm okay and my reply is still 'yeah'.
What else can I say?
My mind doesn't rest.
It won't let me sleep, instead it's awake worrying.
Insomnia stroked my hair every night like on old friend
as I stare out into the night sky
The stars keeping me company.
My mind goes round,
as my heartbeat sounds like a lullaby.
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4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me
PoetryI've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my...
