21.09.20
I forgot about the plan.
The plan I made last year,
I wanted to get drunk and go crazy
right as I turned 18.
I forgot about it all, until now,
and it makes me sad. Sad that was my plan.
Sad because I know, it won't ever happen.
Sometimes I wish I could drink to forget.
I wish I could just forget, everything that happened,
I wish I didn't feel, just as strongly as I do.
It feels like so long ago,
memories of wanting to drop out and getting wasted.
I wanted to throw my life away,
I didn't care about anything except getting away
wanting to be free, to experience everything.
I forgot about all these old thoughts.
It feels so far away and strange,
when I remember I feel like a stranger
I can't recognise who I was.
I never knew this is what I'd become and I feel so blessed,
that I only made those plans in my head.
That was enough for me to step back,
turn away and be better.
In one year I managed to change my life
I got lucky, I never went down that path.
Others didn't have the choice or self control,
it may feel too late to change,
but you can still try, move off that path
and walk towards the light.
YOU ARE READING
4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me
PoetryI've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my...
