EDENVILLE

The Poetry Competion

By Us All and featuring special guest Isabelle B.L

They all packed into village hall,
one and all,
short and tall,
to here the recitations.
Rosemary Tipplewuck had palpitations.
Candice collected the entry fees
They would pay for cucumber sandwiches and cream teas

'Friends and Villagers, salutations.
As Mayor of the Village I declare this poetry contest open.
Here now is our very own Corky Flute to start the proceedings
I think we are in for a very nice evening'

'Hey man, so cool, hello to you all. Like, er... I know this dude Joe, goes by the title of @lyttlejoe. He's written this poem, it's like a spell, like listen hard and you will know, some real deep stuff. I know things too, I've floated here and there... Joe's poem goes like this man...

"There was a young man in the village
Who suffered from excessive spillage
We heard the head throbs
From the fellow called Dobbs
But there was no cure and it was a feta worse than death"

Corky wore a broad smile because he'd remembered all the words.

'Hey, excuse me. I'm not sure I approve of my name being associated with this poem' Porter Dobbs made his way towards Corky, waving a copy of a volume called, 'A Village Mystery' at Corky. Porter then tripped over a chair leg into a trellis table full of cakes. He staggered upright again, speechless, on account of having two donuts stuffed into his cheeks like an overindulged chipmunk.

Mayor Maynot then cleared his throat. 'That Porter likes to play the goat but now we are certain to push out the boat with a poem of eloquence and sparkle. Bianca to the lecturn please, to recite a poem by Isabelle B.L called, 'There's Something About Edenville'

Bianca took the stand. Straightening her pencil skirt, she cleared her throat and in her sultry voice, looked Frank deliberately in the eye, and recited Isabelle's poem evocatively at him.'

"There's something about Edenville
That I really like to share
They're a whacky group of folk
And therefore, can't be taken anywhere!
Some are better indoors
Some are better out
They add colour, humour
And danger—no doubt.
Special thoughts for Morag
We are secret friends
We have much in common
Like burning the candle at both ends.
She's mysterious and spiritual
but not overly so
She lights up an evening
with her face aglow.
Japonica—great name
Corky dead or alive
Cucumbers and moles
Wrangler Ronnie rdv at five!
But only in my dreams:(
Thank you authors
for brightening up my day
with tales from Edenville
I hope it's here to stay."

Frank winked at Bianca and thought to himself, 'that sure is a fine poem writer, I must look her up some time, she could maybe help me propagate my new idea. Strawberry flavoured potatoes.'

Mayor Maynot whispered to Beulah Underwood , 'Did you put the cheque in the post to Isabelle?'

'Sure did boss' Beulah replied.

'Great, maybe we will send her a cucumber in the spring'. With a shimmy of his grass skirt the Mayer addressed the crowd. 'Villagers. A poem from Steve @silenttomorrows, recited by our good friend Tom Fiddler.'

'Yes... I'm not used to talking in public, I'll try my best' said Tom, looking a little worried. 'Oh, if anyone need a crate or two of Singapore whisky, I know a bloke who knows a a bloke, if you k know what I mean, a nods as good as a wink.... anyway, poem... here goes.

'When you speak
I known your needs
A biscuit that I'll grab at speed
For you to dip in your coffee cup

I know you like a hot dog too
With mustard hot and sticky like glue
But understand, if you give me a pie
Make sure it's chicken
Not vermin with chives.'

There was a silence in the room. Then Candice said quietly to Bessie, so that everyone could hear, 'Well I didn't like that one much.'

'No, I didn't...sticky glue mustard, it would cement your mouth shut'.

'I think if we have another poetry competition next year we won't tell him about it. Is that all I wonder, I say Mayor, have we heard them all? Shall we judge them now.' Candice was about to deliberate with the judges when the mayor spoke again.

'Not quite all' announced the Mayor. 'We have a late entry from Naomi @naomimrshl. This poem is going to be narrated by Edith Churn, then all the poets will have had their turn. Come on Edith, read it loud, I'm sure you'll please the gathered crowd.'

Edith unfurled a piece of parchment and began,

"They call me Carpy Diem cause I save the day from grief.
I seize the best of offers and sell you real estate.
Buy a house, sell a barn...
I'll take your money and
Spin you a yarn.

Two gals are now fight'n to own their own pub...
No matter who wins, I'll come out on top.
Cause that's where the cream is...
And the fat's where I'm at."

'What's it mean', Eli said to Sam.

'Dunno, but no ones getting their paws on my pub'

"It's a worry through, it's like a forewarning of things to come'

'Yes, let's go and quickly sprinkle some salt around the building'

'Let the judges confer,' the Mayor said in his most impressive voice.

'Sure that's cool man, conifers are real nice' added Corky.

Candice ascended to the lectern. 'We have the winners prizes,' Candice said importantly. For her poem about Edenville, Isabelle has won a candlelit dinner for two with Wilfred Bodger at the Tikki Bar.' Candice whispered to Rosemary Tupplewick,'maybe Wilfred can find out what's going on with her and Morag's secret friendship. It's a bit of a worry really. We don't want people eating nettles and leaves instead of supporting the local community by spending their money in our village stores.'

'As a special prize for Joe and his Village Spillage poem, Fudge's Village Stores will provide him with a whole years supply of anti-flatulace tablets completely free of charge.'

Edward Fudge told Jethro, 'that was very clever of Candy, we've been trying to get rid of those tablets for over six years. They were made in China by a company called Canny n Biss. They recently floated on the stock market but we don't buy that much from them now'.

Candice continued, 'For Steve and his poem we would like to offer him a one way ticket out of Edenville to Aberdeen and a suspended prison sentence.' This was met by much applause.

Constable Breem muttered to Corky, 'justice has been served.'

'Oh good man, I'll have custard on mine', said Corky.

'Who is this Carpy Diem? I don't know' Candice affirmed. 'He's not here tonight but he might need to be kept an eye on. But Naomi has one the prize of a day observing the wild life at the frog crossing and the experience of scooping stuck frogs out of the pipes, so to keep the frog traffic moving.'

Japonica whispered to Edith, 'you know the villagers once burned someone they thought a criminal!'

'My god', Edith couldn't believe it. 'When was that?'

'1649 A.D.' was Japonica's answer.

'With that I declare the poetry contest over and we can all go home' the Mayor said as he left the stage dancing a hula dance.