EDENVILLE

The Inquisition

By @lyttlejoe

Head table of the Edenville Chamber of Commerce board room was occupied by Mayor Maynot, Sergeant Jobb and surprisingly, Inspector Fellow in borrowed tennis whites courtesy of Bianca Woodnick. Beulah had cleaned and pressed the gas cape but was quickly and cleverly out manoeuvred.
"We'll begin this hearing with testimony from Ms Kitpay." The Mayor announced.
"All I can say is never, never in the history of The Olde Junk Roadshow--"
BANG! BANG! "If we could limit the title to initials to save time please." Maynot set his gavel down.
"The expense of bringing our - R - to Edenville has severely impacted the financial resources of the company and we demand compensation."
A rumble grew in the audience. BANG! BANG! (NTFO was in turmoil)
"Porter Dobbs, as designated evaluator for the- the R, could you respond."
"Your honour, it is rather difficult with this bird in my eye . . . the Doctor was too occupied with trying to get his tie clip out of Ms Peed's cast. I would like to defer to Ms Fudge who was mentioned in the notes I presented as evidence."
"Ms Fudge."
"It all started with that ratty old cat, Boo." Japonica said. "It bit me and when I leaned down to examine the bite I was assaulted."
(Audience reaction.) BANG! BANG!
"Startled, I leaped upright and caused, with deepest apologies, Mr. Dobbs coco coo eye and from there a chain reaction of incidents."
"Do you know who assaulted you, Ms Fudge?" Sergeant Jobb queried, eyebrows in opposing arches.
"I believe it was Sloan, the Tinker although I couldn't point a finger for certain."
"Someone did!" A yob yelled from the audience.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Mr. Sloan, what do you say?"
"I turned round to speak to Edith Churn and my antique sword inadvertently uhm- nudged Ms Fudge." He presented the weapon in question.
"New pastime, Sloan, Fudge nudging?" The voice yelled again.
BANG-G-G-G! "Enough! Sergeant remove that man."
"Who was it?"
"I don't know, you're the policeman."
"Stand up and reveal yourself!" Sergeant Jobb demanded.
Several people stood and a row of chairs fell like dominos. There was turmoil and stuff and in the confusion Millicent Peed, who had been propped in a corner as a star witness, tipped over, cast shattering, followed by the doctor scrambling for his tie clip. Porter turned to see what happened and the coo coo bird slapped Japonica upside the head, knocking her back into Tinker Sloan whose antique sword poked Mae Kitpay's derriere.
********
Reverend Smidge held a special service in the medical tent out behind the Chamber of Commerce for the shocked and frightened citizens who witnessed the second coming of a spontaneous chain reaction. Young Garfield had been released from jail long enough to pass a collection plate, dated 1520, among the attendees.
Well, the Edenville news that evening, as delivered by a surprisingly centred Corky Flute, increased advertising for both the radio station and the newspaper. Reporters descended on Edenville in droves, making the OJR look like a tailgate party.
Mayor Maynot made the most of his black eye received from the business end of his broken gavel. Sergeant Jobb arrested Breem for not arresting the perpetrators of the riot. Japonica decked Porter with a heck of left hook and Bianca dragged Inspector Fellow away with Beulah in hot pursuit.
Later Beulah posed for TV cameras in the stylish gas cape wearing a blonde wig. Twila watched the news while cradling Ted . . . Ted the now battered Head and swilled triple Orchid Barn Burners. The wig was a reluctant gift since Ted had no further use for it.
Hunter Horn consoled a shaken Mae Kitpay who was showing Sloan some curious interest.
Frank used his combination foot massage, grill and calculator to print out an invoice for expenses incurred by the OJR. Over it all strains of, There'll be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight, issued from the sound system.
Bessie carried Boo secretly away in her needlepoint satchel.
********
A curious moon rose over the normally sedate village of Edenville and Morag tasted her simmering soup, a toothless smile lighting up her mischievous face.