EDENVILLE

Murphy's Law

By @lyttlejoe

Breem faced the Inspector. "How long do you intend to hide- stay in our jail, Inspector?"
"Never mind that, what did you find under the church?"
Breem opened his notebook. "Spoke to Reverend Smidge, he assured me all was well with the church grottos, sir. And I have been tasked with security for the Roadshow that will be arriving soon to do some filming. Can't have incidents like the cannonballs while that's going on."
"What Roadshow?"
"The Olde Junk Roadshow, sir. A legend in these parts."
Inspector Fellow just stared as the constable left.
********
"Corky! Corky wake up!" Milli straightened him in his chair and took the headphones off his face. "Breaking news, Corky! Yours truly is the designated liaison for the town and The Olde Junk Roadshow! You need to make an announcement while I write a piece for the paper."
"Are the bongs here yet?" He swivelled slowly around to the microphone, pulling the headphones tight around his throat. "Urk . . . Hi ho, Edenvillers! You all know the OJ Roadshow is coming to town and I'll bet you've all been scouring those attics for contributions. Well, our own Millicent Peed right here in the office with me will be acting as a lesson for the show so direct all your questions to her. And now my brothers and sisters a little musical number to get that Roadshow rollin' - Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves! Dig it!"
Milli listened in horror from her car. People would be battering down her door with questions.
********
Porter let Bessie wipe the whipped cream from his nose and nodded thanks for the treat she'd prepared.
"That was simply marvellous, Bessie."
"You old flatterer." She smiled timidly and waved her fingers at him. "Porter, I've been meaning to ask, as we're neighbours now and good neighbours share . . ." She put her hand on his. "Are you and Japonica . . .?"
Porter blushed. "I don't think so. Japonica seems to have found uh- different interests. I thought there was something fishy but . . ."
"The reason I ask, Porter s because, well I never met anyone else who held porcelain in such erotic regard."
"Erotic?"
"Esoteric." Bessie squeezed his hand.
"Ah . . ." He looked alarmed as the hand moved up his arm.
"I have longed for the day when someone would come to appreciate my creamers and my collectible vegetable dishes."
"Yes, well you do have amazing creamers, Bessie. The uh- the smiling cat is a definite treasure." He attempted to stand.
"Oh, Porter! That was always my favourite!" She smiled.
His agonizing cry as she slipped onto his lap was misconstrued as a rapturous response instead of the pain in his swollen knee.
********
Edith sat in Japonica's bedroom listening to the shower.
"Surely your father has something in the store that will get rid of that salmon smell."
"I've tried everything, it just won't go away." Japonica wailed from the shower.
"Well it's making me feel bilious so I'll see you later . . . after . . ."
"After what?" She listened to the bedroom door slam. "I'll kill that Cuffy!" She cried, splashing more lemon juice on her body.
********
Alma stood in front of Mae Kitpay's desk waiting while her employer growled out the window. The detective agency had fallen a long way since they were last engaged and she felt somewhat responsible.
"Don't worry, Alma," Mae said, returning to her desk. "Not your fault. We should have hired someone to investigate Loo!"
"What can I do now, Ms Kitpay?"
"I want you to take this application from Porter Dobbs, confirm his bona fides and if as represented, set up a meeting for two days from now."
"Isn't that the gentleman you were- you used to--"
"That will be all, Alma. See to it immediately."
Mae plucked at her lip thoughtfully. She knew Porter would pass muster but she wanted everything on record before facing him. She turned on her radio and gasped as the Edenville DJ incorrectly announced Millicent Peed's news and then followed it with a ghastly musical selection.
********
Mayor Maynot carefully folded his grass skirt and put it away for another year. Not winning the Halloween costume prize was a blow and he pondered whether or not to consider his Rudolph costume for Christmas.