EDENVILLE

An Inspector Calls

By @lyttlejoe

The Edenville Eagle hit the stands with a half page headline screaming, SAY WHAT?
It was followed by an article by Millicent Peed describing the destruction of the River Road bridge and the arrival of Inspector Ernest Fellow, CID, famous for his recent solving of the Fish monger murder.
The rest of the paper was collected by the Edenville school children and delivered to Edward Fudge for wrapping his meat pies.
Mayor Maynot jumped up shouting, "Say What!" when his secretary,
Beulah Underwood delivered a copy to his office then announced the arrival of the police inspector.
Maynot shimmied out of his grass skirt and told her to get it cleaned and pressed then grabbed his medal of office from his drawer and swung it 'round his neck, whacking his nose. He smoothed his hair and tugged his jacket in place.
"Well?"
"You look fine Pinky . . . er, Mister Mayor."
"Call Sergeant Jobb and don't let any reporters in."
"And the Inspector . . .?"
"What about him?"
"Shall I--?"
"Yes, yes, for heaven's sake. We need this bridge business cleared up before Thursday."

"Go right in Cushy, he's with the Inspector."
"Ah, Wendell! Inspector this is our Sergeant of police, Wendell Jobb. Tell the Inspector what we've done so far, Sergeant."
"I've posted Constable Breem at the scene of the crime and he has taped off the river around the site to preserve forensics."
Inspector Fellow nodded. "And do you have forensics?"
"As soon as Doc finishes his checker match in the Tiki Room he'll be right on it."
"Who's he playing, Cushy?" Mayor Maynot asked.
"Mr. Weebol, it's the finals so--"
"Gentlemen," Fellow interrupted. "The case? I'd like to see the scene and I would like to speak to an Admiral Tanker, he owns a cannon I believe."
"Right. Cush-- Sergeant take the inspector past the church as well. Another attack we experienced." He grimaced, feeling the red bump on his nose.

"Rusty Tanker don't you look the smart gentleman, what is the occasion?" Bessie leaned on the gate outside her property smiling brightly.
"Official police business, Bessie. They need my experience and expertise with armaments." He doffed his Admiral's cap, bowed graciously and one of his epaulets fell off.
Oh, let me fasten that on for you." Magically from her hair she withdrew a pin and anchored the wayward item with only a slight flinch from the Admiral. "Good as new." She patted his arm and ushered him on his way.

Rosemary Tipplewuck caught up with Rusty as he marched across the square and handed him a sheet of paper.
"What's this?"
"A list of grievances from the citizens who have been victims of . . . cannon balls. You can show this new policeman."
"Miss Tipplewuck, on my honour as a gentleman and retired Admiral from Her Majesty's Royal Navy, those were not my balls."
"Well until this is settled there will be no cucumbers or artichokes available in any of the shops . . . and your epaulet is crooked."

Porter, trying to get on a bar stool in the Tiki Room, fell off his new crutch and knocked over the checkerboard, effectively ending the match . . . and his welcome.