Spectrum 2

36

Grayson's POV

"I'm getting a vasectomy." I say.

"I...wow." My Mom replies with wide eyes. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" 

"Yes." I nod with certainty. "It is."

"Okay but...why?"

"Because I don't want anymore kids." 

"You don't even have one kid yet." She sighs.

"That's all I need." I reply.

"Grayson. Don't you think that you need to be talking to Natalia about this before going off and making such a big decision?" He asks slowly. "Alone." 

"No, Mom." I sigh. "I need for you to drive me to my appointment."

"Grayson, you need to think about this."

"I've thought about it. I should have done it long before this." I mutter.

"You don't mean that." She replies.

As much as I hate to admit it, she's right. I am glad that I didn't get it done before all of this happened. I don't know the possible outcome of our baby, but I do know that I don't want them gone. 

I feel sick at the thought of everything that I had said to Natalia in the heat of the moment. I know that I never wanted kids. I never imagined myself having kids or getting married. I'm going to be a father and I still can't really picture it. Feeling her kick against my hand made it all feel real. She's really in there and she's very much alive. 

She's my daughter.

"I don't want any more after her. I know that. This has all been...too much." I sigh.

"Can we talk about that?" She asks in a soft voice.

"About what?" I ask.

"Why you didn't tell me that you and Natalia had broken up?" She questions softly.

I pause at her question, confused as to how she ever knew about that.

"How did you even-"

"Jose and your Dad spoke last night." She replies.

"Of fucking course." I mutter.

"Grayson, why didn't you just tell us?" She sighs.

"Because Dad already thinks this is all a bad decision. I don't need for him to know that we aren't even together. That would just make it worse." I reply.

"And you don't think it's bad right now?" She asks.

The one thing about my Mom is that although I never want for her to be right, she always knows how to get the real answer out of me. 

"It's really bad right now."

"So where is Natalia right now?" She asks.

"Back at Jose's." 

"But Grayson...don't you want to be with her?" She asks.

"Of course I want to be with her, Mom. I love her. It's more complicated than that, though."

"How so?" She questions.

"For starters, I'm pretty sure she likes Jose. Loves him, really. I know she does. I just want for her to find out if she loves him as a friend or as something more."

"And you're giving her that time and space to figure it out?" She asks.

"Yes." I nod.

"But why?"