Spectrum 2

38

Grayson's POV

"Go talk to him." Jason says.

"I don't want to." I mutter.

"Okay, well you have to. If I can deal with him after all of the shit he said about the my son, you can too."

"This is different." I sigh.

"How is this different?"

"Because...I don't know. It just is." 

"Once thing you're going to learn when becoming a father is patience that you didn't know was even possible. Start with that now. Go." Jason says, nodding towards the bedroom that my Dad was packing in.

"Fine." I grumble, heading towards the bedroom.

I have successfully dodged my Dad for days now. Really, it hasn't been hard. We leave each other alone for the most part. It's the same way it's always been. Nothing was really any different.

I knock on the door and watch as he lifts his head quickly, staring at me with surprise.

"Grayson." He says, standing up straight.

"Dad." I reply, stepping into the room. "Packing?" I ask.

"Yeah. Your Mom wanted it all to be done by the time she gets here." He says with a laugh.

"I see." I nod. "Want any help?" 

"Yeah, certainly." He nods quickly. I go over and start folding the clothes they had washed last night. There's a tense silence that fills the empty space. Neither one of us wants to be the first to speak.

"Grayson, I owe you an apology." He sighs.

"For what, exactly?" I ask.

"The way that I handled everything. For...all of this." He mutters.

"Are you sorry for telling me what you thought about me? Or are you sorry for never telling me that you had Aspergers too?" I question, not looking up from the t-shirts.

"Both." He sighs. "I had my reasoning for keeping it from you all."

"Okay, explain that one." I huff, dropping the shirt on the bed and waiting for an explanation. I need something. Anything.

"I didn't find out until I was an adult. I was nearly your age by the time I figured it out." He defends.

"So why didn't you tell me?" I ask. "I of all people deserved the right to know! I was alone in this. I was completely alone. You made me feel as though being on the Spectrum was the worst possible thing to have happened to me." 

"I know, son." He sighs. "I just...I wanted for you to succeed. I wanted for you to strive to beat any kind of social anxiety or-"

"Okay, but it's not that simple. Now, I expect for you to know that. It's not that simple, Dad! I needed someone to show me ways to handle the anxiety and depression. I needed someone to help me through it all, and you did nothing! Instead, you yelled at me for not doing more sports. You yelled at me for not having more friend. You questioned why I never had a girlfriend in school. I watched as you constantly praised Jason and constantly praised Sofia, but I was the only one that didn't get any of that!" I yell.

"I know." He nods. "There's nothing that I can do now but say that I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well sorry doesn't fix years worth of lies." I reply.

"I know." He nods. "But I want to start with saying sorry. The rest will come with time."

"You said that I was going to be a terrible father. You said that I don't have the emotional or mental capacity to be a father." I spit out. "You said those things to me, Dad. Not anyone else. You." 

"I know." He replies.

"Do you know what something like that does to me? Do you understand how much that fucking hurts?" I ask.

"No, I don't." He mutters.

"Yeah, well it hurts a lot. All of my life, I have tried to please you. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I tried. I may not have been athletic or the most popular guy. Hell, I only had one friend growing up and he's been the same friend that I've had for years now. He just married my sister. He is now family. We built a company from the ground up. I am making hundreds of thousands of dollars annually. We are well off and very successful. I found a woman that I am absolutely crazy about, and we're about to have a baby. I have done nothing but prove that being on the Spectrum doesn't always hold you back. Even then, even after everything that I am constantly trying to prove to you- it means nothing." I reply.

"Grayson." He sighs. "I am proud of you." 

"Then why haven't you ever told me?" I exclaim." I don't care how old I get, Dad! I don't care if I'm thirty years old. I need you! I needed a Dad growing up that cared about me! Who showed me how to be a man! I never knew how to treat a girl or go on dates. I had to learn everything from television or movies. Hell, I even had to learn from porn! I had to do all of that shit because I didn't have a Dad that would explain anything to me! So if there's a problem with the way that I'm living my life, it's because I didn't have a father to guide me." I spit out.

"Gray." He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. In this moment, I realize that this is a trait that I have gotten from him. 

"And you know what?" I say, pointing a finger at him. "I'll be a damn good father. I will love my daughter more than anything. I love support her. I will provide for her. I will do everything in my power to make sure that she feels loved. I will make sure that she knows that I'm proud of her. I will keep her safe. If she has Aspergers, I will help her every step of the way. I will assure her that it makes her no less than anyone else. I will let her explore what she is passionate about and not try pushing things on her because it is or isn't socially acceptable. Because being on the Spectrum isn't a bad thing! It's just the way that some of us live. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just the way that we live." I say.

"You're going to be a good father, Grayson. Don't listen to me." He replies.

"I'm not." I scoff in reply.

"But are you even going to be with Natalia?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Jose told you, I'm assuming? Since you want to talk to him instead of even talking to me?" I question.

"Oh, stop." He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Jose was leaving and we had a drink before he left. You weren't any more welcoming than I was."

"Okay, well...that's complicated."

"If you love her, how is it so complicated? Why don't you just go and get her?" He asks.

"Because I want for her to want me as much as I want her. I'm not going to try and convince her to love me. I'm going to let her figure it out on her own. If she needs to figure out this thing with Jose first, then that's what I'm going to let her do. I'm not going to enter a relationship with a woman who has feelings for another man. Especially since we're having a baby. If we need to co-parent, then that's what we'll do."

He let's out a sigh and begins folding the clothing once more.

"You're a smart man, Grayson. I'm sorry that I ever made you feel less than that. I really am." He mutters. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I reply instantly.

Because no matter what happens between us. No matter how mad he makes me and how much I want to just punch him in the face, he's still my dad. We may not have the best relationship, but he's the only dad that I get.

We continue packing the rest of our things in silence.

-

Author's Note!!!

This chapter made me happy. One thing that you are all going to see with Grayson is a LOT of growth. He is a very smart and passionate man. He is humble and very mature. One of my favorite chapters, you guys are going to be like WHAT THE HECK but also you're going to be like 'wow he is so mature . Stan gray for clear skin'

can't wait for you all to finish this story! Love reading your comments and having discussions with you. I love this story and these characters, but seeing your reactions to it does something to me that makes it all worth it. I truly love each and every one of you. You guys are practically family at this point.