Spectrum 2

45

Grayson's POV

"Now, I'm not exactly sure where to go from here. I want to be with Natalia. She's....everything to me. I want her more than anything. But now, things aren't going to be the same." I mutter.

"And why is that?" I hear in response.

I sigh, staring up at the ceiling from my spot on the couch. I always thought that laying down at the therapist's office was just something you see in movies. Now that it's all I seem to be doing, it's different.

"Because now there's a new person thrown in the mix." I mutter. "And I'm not good with new situations. I'm definitely not good with new people." 

"And do you view the baby as a new person? Or do you view them as your daughter?" Dr. Mathes asks.

Dr. Mathes has listened to me bitch about the same topic for months now. I'm sure it's getting old, but it's the biggest part of my life at the moment. It's the one thing that I can't escape.

"Of course she's my daughter." I sigh. "Clearly." 

I glance over and see him nod at this response, waiting for me to continue.

"But it's still new. She's still a person. She's going to have her own life and needs. Needs that I'm going to have to be responsible for. I can barely keep myself fed at times...how am I supposed to take care of a baby if I can't even take care of myself? Not to mention, kids are messy. They always put things into their mouth. They are constantly covered in saliva, which is horrendous. Oh, and I don't think I am physically capable of changing a diaper. I truthfully do not think that I could handle that." I huff in response.

"And does Natalia know these concerns?" He asks.

He already knows the answer to this. It's the same answer as before. It's been the same answer for weeks now.

"No." I mutter.

"Do you want to talk to her about this?" He asks.

"Of course." I sigh. "But it's not that easy..." 

"Why?"

"Because Natalia is very emotional at times. She's also very logical. So putting those two together, it's a difficult pairing. I'm very technical. I'm also not very emotional. So when we have arguments, they can become very heated and hit a brick wall very quickly. I never mean to upset her, but because I'm not good at showing my emotions, it comes off as me not caring. Which is far from the way that it actually is. I just...I don't know." I mutter.

"Okay." He nods. "Now we're getting somewhere."

"My Dad told me that he has Aspergers." I mutter. 

"He did..." He replies, still waiting for me to continue.

"Yeah." I mutter. "Which is like...not fair, you know? He is allowed to hide that part of his life from the world, but I can't. He can have Aspergers his entire life...and I had no idea. I'm his son. I had a right to know. I needed that kind of support growing up. It wasn't easy for me. I was bullied for being different than other kids. I was bullied for being quiet. Then, the only times that I would talk would be about the things that I actually enjoyed. Which no other kids enjoyed, by the way. I was the weird kid. I was the guy that everyone thought was going to be a school shooter or something. I heard all of the rumors. I heard everything. I wasn't very well liked in school. That's why I just kept to myself after awhile. I realized that making friends just wasn't something that I was good at. It wasn't for me. It didn't help that when I got home, my dad would constantly stay on my case as to why I didn't have friends. Why I didn't do anything involved with school. I mean...what am I supposed to say? I already knew people didn't like me and I never really understood why. I'm nice. Respectful. My mom raised me to be respectful and kind. She raised me and gave me all of the positive traits that I have. But now, quite literally, I received all of my negative traits from my father."