Sanity {H•S}

32

Alex Patterson

My heart completely broke for him.

"You can't have kids?" I mumble

"No" he says softly.

I take a deep breath and whisper a

"why?"

He laughs and shakes his head.

"Story for another day...?" I ask quietly.

"Sort of.. listen"

I nod and turn to face him. He rests his hand on my leg.

"my mom.. she was an abusive alcoholic. She used to hit me and my father" he began. I saw his eyes getting watery.

I move over and lay on his chest to comfort him.

"I've been fucked up since then. i was at least 5.., er.. i think she started abusing me around 6, so fucked up since 6 yeah.... but my dad, for as long as i can remember." He says softly.

"Harry im so sorry i didn't know and if you need any-"

"I don't need help. Believe me, my father sent me to endless amounts of therapy after she died" he says passive-aggressively.

"S-She .. Died?" I ask confused.

He nods.

"How..?"

"Story for another day" he mumbled

I nod.

"So let me put two and two together for a moment"

He looks at me apprehensively but sure enough he nods.

"Your mom, must of.. injured you.. down there" i say quietly tilting my head towards his lower regions.

He looks at me silently

"it's not all her fault. She's not a bad person Alex. It's my fault too" he says quickly.

"Harry she took the fact that you can never have kids away from-"

"Did you not hear me the first time? I said its myself as-well! All the drinking, smoking, drugs,joints. I fucked myself up even further Alexandra" he spat

"But would you not-" i begin and he cuts me off yet again.

"No i won't give up any of that, because they ease the pain Alex, they take away my hurt and make me feel comforted inside. A feeling i have never felt from a human before i met you. Drinking and drugs are apart of my image anyways. Have you never heard of Euphoria: Drugs,Sex and Alcohol"

"Yeah i have" i say softly looking at how physically damaged he was. This was the first time he had properly opened up, on a tourbus on the way to St Paul.

"Are you.. ok?"

"Ill be fine" he murmurs.

"You had a .. a panic.. in the hotel room"

"Panic attack yeah" he mumbles

Throwback

"No,No,No" Harry screams loudly throwing shit at the balcony glass.

"No i can't. Im sorry, im so sorry" he sobs into my arms

"Im sorry mum. Im sorry i didn't mean any harm" he cried.

"baby im sorry" i mumble into his neck.

"It's okay Al.. im ok"he says quietly pulling my hair from my face.

"But your not Harry you went through a fucking life changing experience. Many people need help about stuff like that"

"I don't need help Alex. I don't need to be fixed and put back together"

I sigh and nod as he pulls me into his arms in the small bunk.

"Im sorry you have to deal with me Alex" he mumbles

I laugh and shake my head.

"I'm not sorry. I enjoy your company" i say quietly into his t-shirt

-.-

"Good afternoon love birds" Louis smirks as he tidies stuff off the table.

"Did You two fuck?" Niall smirks

Harry shakes his head.

"We're not together" Harry mumbles as he flops on the sofa.

"That means shit. You two can still fuck" Liam says

"Well we didn't"

"That's not what Harry planned last night. He agreed to fuck you on the bus" Niall smirks

"Shut the fuck up"Harry says angrily at him.

"you .. you were gonna have sex with me on a tourbus" i mumble

Harry shakes his head.

"No. I told Niall last night how you wouldn't sleep with.. no sleep beside me and he said to just leave you alone last night and fuck on the bus this morning but i said no because you know like .. your conditio-"

"My condition? Are you fucking serious. Why would me being a fucking virgin stop me having sex on a bus with you. Being a virgin isn't even a fucking condition" i spat

The rest of the boys ooh.

"I just wanted it to be special Alex. You don't deserve your first time to be a quick fuck on the way to St Paul. And i know you being a virgin isn't a condition, i just didn't want to expose you in front of the boys" Harry says quietly.

I frown at him and feel guilty. He was only saying that to protect my feelings and my heart.

"i'm sorry" i mumble and he shakes his head.

"Its ok" he says quietly.

Niall decides to break the silence.

"You guys gonna kiss and make up or not?" Niall smirks

Harry laughs and shakes his head.

"We haven't kissed-"

"Lies. We've done more than kiss" i smirk and kiss the mans lips gently. He blushes and pulls away.

The boys oooooh and ahhh and whistle loudly.

"Alex is getting railed tonight" Liam smirks.

"Shut the fuck up as if i didn't have to come in and tell you And Jolie to shut the fuck up last night" Zayn laughs.

"You four, drop it." Harry demands

"Yeah, we can't destroy poor virgin Alex's innocence can we?" Niall smirks

The boys all laugh and shake there head. Harry frowns but ignores them as he sits opposite me as he watches tv on the bus with the boys and i catch up on some work.