Sanity {H•S}

39

Alex Patterson

it was 10 to 11 at night and i stood in the bathroom looking at my figure in the mirror. It was nights like these where i missed Nina and Debby. My family. They would help me stay confident and upbeat.

I heard a knock at the door and i slung my silk robe around my body. I made my way to the door to see a smiling Niall.

"Good evening sexy" Niall smiles.

"hey?" I laugh. It was unusual to get visits at this time of the night, apart from Harry if he was horny.

"You okay?" I add as i welcome him into my hotel room.

"Yeah, i just decided we should talk" he murmurs and i nod and sit down as he copies and does the same.

"So you and Harry?" He smiles softly. His eyes look heavy and his body looked restless.

"Nothings really going..-"

"You can cut the bullshit. He's my best friend" Niall smirks.

I blush intensely.

"His panic attack earlier.." i mention and Niall nods.

"Happens often. Was this your first time seeing one from him?"

I shake my head.

"Fuck he gets really bummed down sometimes" Niall says softly.

"Twice before" i mention and Nialls mouth gapes open.

"Twice! In the whole month and a bit we know you?" Niall gasps.

I nod.

"He's getting bad again" Niall mumbles massaging his temples.

"What do you mean by again?" I ask confusedly.

he frowns.

"He's quite a closed book that Styles lad. All i'll say is, he got to a point at the start of the band, where he couldn't even go a day without popping a pill or two many. He was doing depression pills,ecstasy,joints,coke and drinking severe amounts of vodka and rum on top of all that"

"And do you know the reason?" I ask him again.

"I know the bare minimum. Aswell as Liam."

I nod.

"Your best bet is trying to get him to open up to you. He seems to like you, which is strange. Harry doesn't like anybody " Niall laughs.

"Im actually surprised you haven't left yet"

I nod. Niall doesn't know that i watched him kill someone earlier and that he has forced me to stay here. He can't let his dangerous secret get out. It's driving him insane that he's not in control of that secret anymore and he has to worry for someone else who is..

"anyways, less of the depressive talk. You coming for a drink and a drag of a joint?" Niall smirks.

"Maybe a cheeky kiss since you and Harry have Nothing going on" he winks.

I laugh and say "if your lucky Horan"

-.-

I sat with Liam with Jolie on his lap to my left , Niall to my right and Harry,Louis and Zayn straight across from me. The boys laughed and joked around, talking about prostitutes, money, drugs and the best weed they had ever had.

"My best smoke of a spliff was err, Amsterdam 2018. Nothing better than a drag of good weed" Niall smiles thinking back to the trip they had.

"Amsterdam weed was shit man! Nothing will ever top smoking weed on a dodgy street corner in New York and thats final" Zayn challenges back.

"Bullshit" Harry says rolling his eyes.

"Okay so where was your best drag?" Liam laughs as he breaks away from kissing at Jolies neck.

I sit silently and listen to them rebuttal against one another.

"My hotel room in Michigan. I've never felt so high in my life. I felt alive and breathing for once in my life" he says without a trace of a smile or kindness.

I smiled as i recalled what Harry was hinting at. The first time i actually properly smoked a joint with him and got high. We got high together and i felt properly happy, the first time in awhile.

"Who the fuck did you smoke it with bro" Louis laughs and Harry shrugs.

"Wasn't a who . I smoked it with my happiness and my sanity"

I was his happiness and his sanity..

-.-
"Do you want me to walk you across the hall to your room?" Harry smirks as everyone else had left, it was just us two.

"Or i could stay here?" I smirk and he nods.

"That sounds like a better plan. Go pack your bags and shit so instead of getting up at 6.30am to pack up we can get up at 7.15" he winks and i laugh and shake my head.

He waves me goodbye for a while and closes the door when i approach my room number. I fumble in my pockets for my keys and i suddenly felt uneasy.

I feel anxious as i fumble in my pockets yet again finally finding the room key.

I look around and see no ones there. Maybe that was the problem.. i was alone.

But there was a voice.

"I know you know little one.."