Our Secret Dream

Day at The Beach

Quinn 'What happened Sky? Did Bryan do something? Did he hurt you? Don't say he broke up with you cause I will go back to that house and kick his ass. I don't care who he thinks he is.

I smile and chuckle a little while I let the tears fall down my cheeks. Why do I get like this sometimes, I really wish I didn't have to be someone who struggles with insecurities or anxiety. I know people don't always understand and just end up judging you by thinking your weak and an emotional wreck all the time but those are the people who just dont think before they act and I'm lucky I have so many people around me who accept me for me. Not only my friends but my fans. I can feel the guilt rising in my chest from how Quinn jumped on Chris back at the villa. He really didn't do anything and he got the wrath of Quinn. I need to make a mental note to apologise to him when we get back.

Skylar 'No Quinn. He didn't hurt or dump me. Bryan would never - he's my everything. It's my anxiety. I feel like I can't breath. Like I have an iron hand clamped around my throat stopping all of the air to my brain. I'm spiralling with all of these thoughts and I know that I shouldn't. Bryan and I have been together for nearly a year so no-one else should matter in our relationship but I can't stop the thoughts. They won't stop Quinn. They just keep getting louder and louder inside my head' I cry.

I look away from the ocean that I'd been locked on since we sat down and over to my best friend, my ride or die. Sister from another mister. The one person I depended on before I found Bryan. Her eyes had also filled with unshed tears, probably for me her hurting friend. Quinn never cries, like ever and the only times I have seen her get upset is when I am very upset or when stuff happens with her parents. The one person who has always been there to support her through all of her own battles with anxiety and depression and yet now for the first time in many years I am the one struggling and finally letting her in. She reaches out and takes my hands in hers. She turns her body into mine and locks her eyes with my giving encouragement to continue.

Quinn 'What started this Sky, don't tell me it was nothing as we both know that their is always a trigger for our anxiety attacks. We can't process them and stop the episode unless we talk about the trigger.'

Skylar 'Bryan and I were getting busy this morning and Chris knocked on the door. He obviously heard us and made a comment. I just lay still beneath Bryan feeling embarrassed when Bryan decide to make a smart ass comment about 'If your woman ain't screaming then your clearing not doing it right' I'm not sure if it was the fact Bryan shouted that to his brother or what but it just got me thinking....'

Quinn 'Hold up Sky. You realise we have all heard you guys having sex. Way before today it's not a surprise. You have heard Dom and I for Christ sake. You don't ever have to feel embarrassed about that and as for Chris or any of the other guys they are only joking they'd never say anything to hurt or upset you they love you too much.'

Skylar 'I know but I couldn't stop myself from spiralling.'

Quinn 'Lets go through the thoughts together now. I doubt its actually from the comment, you've had a stressful couple of months and it's probably been brewing for a while.'

Skylar 'He was so unfazed by the whole situation that it made me think 'How many times has he been in a situation like this, to you know not freak out and be embarrassed. If anything he was entertained by the situation Quinn?'

Quinn 'He's a guy Sky, they don't think the same as us. He probs just thought it was funny that his little brother had heard you guys and had the guts to call you out on it. As for the whole how many times has it happened before. I can't tell you the answer for that but it shouldn't matter you know Bryan has been with others before you and it doesn't mean a thing. He loves you. He wants to be with you.'