Grown up kid

Until it comes crashing down

"He's hurt, bad." Dally looks as if he could cry. Dally don't cry, he don't even feel sad.
"How did he get hurt?" I ask, drawing in unsteady breaths.
"The party last night, after we went home and I don't know, I woke up and he was all covered in blood on the floor so I took him to the hospital. He wouldn't wake up." Yesterday Two-Bit swung me around and sang me happy birthday and today it all comes crashing down.
"Oh my god," I say. "Can we see him? Is he alright?" But in my gut I dreaded the worst. I didn't want an answer to my question because now my legs felt like they had a few weeks prior, unable to support my own body above.
"We were going to see him now," Two-Bit wasn't his crazy, off the wall self now. He was calm and quiet. It was bad and knew it deep inside my stomach that now suddenly throbbed.
I felt like I had just been jumped again. My whole body hurt, inside and out, and I felt like any second my knees would give way under the growing pressure of myself.
Soda noticed my growing fatigue and came to help me. He held me up as my knees finally buckled and I slowly fell into him. I think of the talk we had just days prior where we said we thought of each other as siblings. He showed me the photos of Pony and he got all mad. When we ate lunch together and laughed of times I couldn't quite remember.
I almost didn't bring myself to walk into that hospital room, the one I had woken up in a month ago. But I knew for Johnny I had to go in, remember all the pain I had been in. I had slowly forgotten what it was like to hurt. But now standing next to the bright white-sheeted bed that Johnny lay in I confront it all. For those few moments I let my mind remember the attack and now I remember it all. Every blow and hit they did to me. I hadn't blacked out after that hit, I had forgotten. I remember their laughs and snickers as I bled onto the dirt. I remember the scream I let out and the cloth they gagged me with to silence me. I remember Randy on my chest pinning me down while the other boys, in nice shirts and sweaters, kick me.
When my mind resurfaced to the present day I found myself crying while Soda and Pony held me tight. I gasp like I had been holding my breath for eternity.
"Aidy, we got you, we got you."
"I remember. I remember it all," I say. The memories of Randy on me replays and replays in my mind, my chest getting heavier and heavier.
I realize I forced my dreams to be relaxing because I didn't want to remember.
"Aidy I got you, you're safe now. I promise," Soda holds me tight and I know I'll never be safe from Randy until he is dead but I believe Sodapop, to make this stomach churning feeling dissipate.
"I remember them hurting me Soda. I felt it all. It hurt so bad," I realize now that Johnny hadn't fallen in the night. This was an act of Randy Adderson himself. "Randy, he got Johnny again. He didn't fall," all the pieces aligned and fell into place. Randy had to be the next to go and we all agreed; nothing was ever said.
Night fell and we stayed in the musty hospital room with Johnnycake. I looked out the wide windows into the night and watched for shooting stars. Maybe now I could make a wish: first for Johnny to heal, second for me to forget.
Night turned to day and the sun awoke again to rise over the horizon. As the dark grey of the sky turned to a pink and orange that swirled and twined around I saw Ponyboy smile. He loved sunsets and for that hour as the sun slowly rose in the sky, higher and higher, brighter and brighter, he smiled. He recited "Nothing gold can stay" to Johnny and in his state, he smiled too.
For the whole day Pony recited poems by Robert Frost. Starting with "The road not taken."
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could,

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that passing there

Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black

Oh, I kept the first for another day

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Ending with "Choose something like a star." After a whole day had passed and we hadn't left the white confinements of the room we decided it best to go home. Mrs. Winston stayed with Johnny, holding his hand oh so tight. The kind of tight you think will make your arm fall off but you never want them to let go.
I couldn't sleep that night. The image of Randy and his curly hair and piercing eyes. His flannel and white coat, that ended covered with my blood. His smile was so unexpecting because when he smiled it seemed nice and genuine. A smile of a person who would return a missing child or wait for you when you tied your shoe. But that smile was glued to the face of a boy who could nearly kill a thirteen year old. He is responsible for three people almost dying. And we're all kids. Johnny, Pony, and I have barely lived.
I climbed in between Pony and Soda that night. Pony has nightmares and moves around in his sleep. I wonder if I ever remembered the attack in a dream I didn't remember. Did I ever scream in my sleep like Pony used to?
I remember the nights Pony had nightmares. He screamed and cried and it seemed like he was dying, to us and him. He would wake shaking. The dream repeated every night for months. The train crash. The scene of the train crushing the car containing our parents. We weren't there, we only later saw the crushed car sitting on the tracks. But he dreams like he is watching it happen. "Don't let them die." He'd scream.
"Where's Sandy?" I had nearly forgotten of Sandy. Sandy and Soda had a thing since back in Junior High. They went to eighth grade prom together and later started dating Freshman year. But Sandy had slowly started ignoring Soda. She said she wanted to finish high school and go away to college. She didn't want to be held back by a drop out who raised his brother and sister.
"God knows," I know he misses her.
"She still in school?"
"Probably. This would be her senior year."
"Do you miss her?"
"He talks of her all the time," I thought Pony had been asleep.
"Just because I talk of her don't mean nothing. You talk of Cherry Valance all the time."
"Not the same. Me and Cherry are just friends. You and Sandy dated."
"What ever," Soda rolls over.
I turn to Pony, "You like anyone? Like in the way Soda loves Sandy." Even in the darkness of the room I could see his cheeks glow red. "Ooo, I see you blushing."
"I'm not," He says defensively.
"You are!" I say. "You're shining red."
"Stop."
"What's wrong," I feel his hand around my wrist and I panic. The feeling of Randy holding my wrists returns. "No! Stop! No!" I pull away frantically.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Aidy," He hugs me. I take a deep breath and remember Pony is my brother not Randy.
"I'm fine," Pony beckons me to follow him and I do. "What?"
"You say a word and you're dead." Not exactly the time to say that but I nod and lean in.