Grown up kid

Regret over powers happiness

"Ponyboy you take forever!" I bang on the bathroom. It swings open and Pony slides past me. "Say something!"
"Good morning."
"Johnnycakes coming home today. I'm going to Dall's house after school wanna walk with me?" I get my morning cake. I had been back in school for a bit now. About a month.
"Sure." Three whole words!
"I'll meet you out by the Junior Exit then?"
He nods.
"Cool. I'm leaving now," I grab my bag. Now I ended the conversation first.
"I'll walk with ya'," Yes!
"Cool," He follows behind me; letting the screen door slam shut. That thing is one Two-Bit away from snapping off it's poor hinges. We walk in mostly silence. The crunch of gravel under our feet makes up for awkwardness.
"The ground is so rough this time of year," It was always like this I just wanted to say words.
"I guess," Those short answers didn't bug me as much nowadays.
"So have you seen Johnny lately? He's been asking about ya. Pony he misses you."
"I made a mistake," He looks at. In the eyes. He truly looks at me and talks.
"Oh no what did you do?" I think of things he could have done. Murder again?
"That day. The day I ran out. I went back to see Johnny. But I told him everything. Everything. And Johnny, he didn't react. Not nothing. I got scared and I left him there all alone in that stupid hospital. I hate that place so so much. But he hates me now. I'm a bad friend. Oh, Aidy, I messed up."
"You are not a bad friend Pony. You quit the sport you've loved since you were seven to take care of him. You risked your life so he wouldn't go to prison. Pony you cook him dinner every single friday no matter the weather or how you feel. You almost failed Sophomore year to care for him. Ponyboy you are the best friend he could possibly get. You messed a bit. You got scared. You can not blame yourself for everything. You are fifteen Pony. You are a kid still. Be better to yourself."
"He probably still hates me."
"Yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
"Yes, yesterday I went to see Johnny. He talked about you the whole time. He wouldn't shut up about the sunsets and Gone With the Wind and the church and everything about you. Oh and his smile. It was so so bright. I thought I was in the wrong room. It was such an un-Johnny like smile. He wasn't scared he was happy. Pony you did that to him. He does not hate you. He loves you just as much as you love him."
"He smiled? How which smile?"
"Like he smiled when we went over on my birthday."
"That one?" Ponyboys eyes changed to something I had never seen. Nothing like mine or dad's or mom's or Darry's or Soda's. Those were his. Just his. Only his.
"Yes that one." A smile to match the eyes spread across his face rapidly.
"I love you Aidy," He wraps his arms around my body so tight I think I'm suffocating but I don't complain because I missed him so much. For a month we walked to school together, ate breakfast together, and slept just feet from each other but I missed him more than I have in me. I missed my brother so much.
"I love you Ponyboy." I go limp in his arms. Either from lack of blood to the brain or from shock he said I love you and that we were hugging and the fact he just talked full sentences to me.
A car rumbles down the road and a boy, probably a Soc, leans out his window. He screams a word I had heard a couple times before. It was directed right at my brother but somewhere in my chest it stung a little too. I wish to never repeat his words.
Pony responds with words he probably learned from Dally. I wish to not repeat those also.
But as I hope for them leave the car door swings open, Pony drops me straight to the dirt, and we are circled by Socs.
"We heard about that 'Johnny Cade' eh?" One in a yellow sweater says.
"Yeah we did. What do you guys do after school?" I close my eyes as the boys begin with things I wish I hadn't seen.
"Yeah," I'll save your ears like I wish I had mine.
"You're sister a f-" I draw in a breath knowing where this will go soon. "too."
"I'm not a f-" And I knew it. You never speak back to Socs. Pony got a clean right hook to the face.
He stumbles to stand and I realize two guys are holding me back so I don't intervene with them and my brother. "Let me go," I can't kick them or harm them in anyway. They're too strong.
"Or what Addy?"
"It's Aidy!"
Pony gets another punch. Right into his gut this time. He coils up into himself and falls over. He groans as he holds his stomach, protecting it from any new blows.
"What should we do with Addy?" A Soc in a blue sweater asks.
"I don't know. Last time was just too easy," A new guy I had hardly noticed speaks up. He's wearing one of those ugly madra shirts.
One of the guys holding me back talks. "Make it quick?"
The ones I can see nod and I'm let go for a moment but the moment barely lasts because I'm punched. I forgot the sensation from last time. I'm down in the dirt again, right next to a puddle of thick red blood. This isn't an old stain, it's fresh. Too fresh. "Pony!" One covers my mouth with something unknown.
"He'll be just fine," The puddle got bigger and bigger, flowing right for me. As it soaked into my shirt it felt warm.
"How does this feel f-" I hate that word! "Curtis?"
The ones who were beating Pony stand. Now I can see them all. Eight Soc. They stand over me just like last time. This time I see more. Two reflecting blades in the early sun. They are aimed right for me. One boy winds up with his blade and I wish that was the last thing I could remember.