Grown up kid

The end.

"We broke up. Soda," I collapse into his arms. "He, he was the one."
"What?"
"He tried to kill us. Me and Pony. His alibi doesn't check out. He mysterious found me on that bridge that morning, and knew my name. And all these things don't make sense. He was with them that day."
"Oh, Aidy," He holds my head to his chest. He never once doubted me. He felt the heaviness in his heart with me, deep down he knew too. Everything inside me hurt. Every scar was fresh again.

Of course I said the breakup didn't hurt me much because it was all for the better. But I found myself saying "I'm not hungry" a bit too often. And those wall caving in-suffocating panic attacks woke me every morning. His smile while his best friend pinned me down. The blood on his shirt. All the signs that were right in front of me this whole time.

And one night I found myself at Bird Creek, remembering all the times me and Michael we together here. Then it was romantic but now I'm realizing how lucky I am to be alive. I climbed to the other side of the guard rail. I really wanted to let it all go. He wanted me dead, why not grant his final wish.
I knew people could change but how could you change after that? I felt like there was nothing more to do in this world. Everyone wanted me gone. They had been trying for a year and failed every time. I used to be thankful I lived to see another beautiful day but that feeling faded and faded and faded until I was standing here again.
I gave up.
I just wanted to be a kid. I knew why Darry was so mad then.
I just needed a childhood.
I grew up too fast, and for that there are consequences.
Darkness.
Cold.
Goodbye.