Grown up kid

Aidy, the not so good secret keeper.

I gasp. "You're serious? Like dead serious?"
"Yes," this look covers my brothers face and I feel a pit in my stomach. "You- you can't tell. Aidy please."
"Why not? Soda talks about Sandy why can't you talk about-" He cuts me off.
"Because it's different Aid," I didn't see how that was any different.
"How? You love someone just like Soda," it wasn't making sense.
"Aid it's so much different. He's my best friend and he's hurt," In films I'd seen you're supposed to confess your undying love when they are hurt. I didn't see why this was different.
"Does he love you back?"
"I doubt it Aid," With no other words he goes back to our room.
The next morning I decided it was best if I told no one of the news Pony had shared with me the night before. I wanted to tell the whole gang because they talk about their girlfriends all day long but I decided the best of it.
"Are you gonna tell them? About J-" He cuts me off again.
"No."
"I'll tell them. I know how you get jitters about telling people things."
"No," He grabs my wrist again. "Say nothing."
That afternoon we decided to visit Johnnycake again. He was tattered and bruised but he would be okay again.
"Hey Johnny," I sit on the end of the bed, remembering how it felt to lay where he was.
"Hey kid," His voice returned to its timid shyness.
"Pony told me-" Pony cuts me off again.
"I told her how you like sunsets just like me and the three of us should go watch one when you're better," I feel him eyeing me without even looking.
"Just tell him already Ponyboy," I almost instantly regret this when I realize I said it aloud.
"Aidy!"
"Pony, I didn't mean to," But he's already run out of the room. "Ponyboy."
"What did you mean by that?" Johnny asks.
"It's-" I follow after my brother before I reveal anymore. I find Pony. "Just tell him Ponyboy. He'll still be your friend no matter what."
"No, Aidy drop it."
"No Ponyboy tell him or I do for real this time."
"Just tell him if you care so much!" He runs out down the stairs.
For the following days Pony wouldn't speak to me though I made it clear I never told Johnny. I was dying inside to tell someone because it wasn't a big deal and Pony was just being chicken. Soda wondered why me and Ponyboy suddenly distanced ourselves. Pony would lock me out of our room during the day and wouldn't talk to me when we walked home from school. But he started carrying his switch again to protect me.
More days had past and the only words Pony had said in my general direction were "Excuse me." And that was three days ago. I wrote him letter to apologize but it sits up opened in his backpack.
"Ponyboy you haven't spoken to me in week. Say something!" I was being eaten by guilt and needed my brother back. Each day I felt him breaking off from me.
"Hi, happy now?"
"Ponyboy I never told him! I keep saying this. I didn't tell Johnny what you said to me. Why are you so upset it isn't a big deal."
"Aidy, you think they hate us now? They would have me dead so quick if they found out. Socs don't like greasers. That would make it worse. I just got used to school again. I don't need to be harassed more than I was last year. I'm protecting us," I was relieved to hear multiple sentences from Pony directed at me. But it still made no sense.
"Why would they hate you for liking Jo-" There was the end of that conversation.
The next week Ponyboy started smoking again. He hadn't smoked a pack since the whole kill-a-soc-and-run-away-to-a-church-then-your-best-friend-almost-dies situation. Darry threatened to quote on quote "skin him" if he so smoked more than one pack in a day. Ever since then he smoked once every so often like the day Johnny got jumped and the other day. But now the house reeked of that lingering cigarette smoke smell that seeps into every crevice and you can never get out. That smell somehow always lingers over your head like the rain cloud that won't seem to drop any rain.
Soda never smoked Sandy thought it was gross and besides Sodapop would never quite dare to ruin his perfect looks. His blinding pearly whites were his prize. Darry use to smoke but quit just after Momma and Papa died.
I never touched a cigarette the smell made me choke and the thought of willingly putting that in me just simply made me gag. The smell was horrid to me.