Go for a trip, you will fall hard (Harry Styles love story completed)

Cutting deeper

When I walk through the door I see Louis, Harry, Liam and Niall there sitting on the couch watching Toy Story.

"Where's Zayn?" I ask as I walk into the living room.

"With Perrie!" Liam says adding a huge "Shushhh" after.

"I have news though..." I say quietly.

"Are you pregnant? I bet you and Jonas were real irresponsible, he found out, left you, the doctor tells you Justin is the Dad and now you are here!" Harry yells.

"No! Me and Nick broke up." I state.

"You don't seem too down about it..." Niall says looking at me.

"We both decided, we liked being friends better! Harry I'm still friends with him, so no bad comments." I answer. Harry just fingers me leaving to his and Louis' room.

"Why do you hate me Harry?" I ask as I enter the room.

"Because you are ugly and stupid! We shouldn't have let you stay here! You should have gone back with Bieber when he first left!" He yells.

"I stayed for you! God, I just want us to be friends or something other than this! I don't like fighting with you! What is your problem?!" I yell as I make sure the door is closed.

"I liked you and you started going out with Nick!" He says.

"I, wait you liked me?" I as slowly.

"Yeah I did, but now I know how worthless and horrible of a person you are! You should cut yourself!" He yells pushing me out of the room.

As I go over all the things he said, Ugly Stupid Worthless Horrible and Cut yourself, I realise I should because I am all those things...

****************************************************************************************************************

(Warning Cutting. Not very descriptive but... I do NOT encourage cutting!)

I waited 20 minutes in the bathroom in my room for the other boys to leave, so I could do it without as many people able to catch me.

I sit on the floor with a towel and grab the razor. I make 5 cuts on left wrist for the words Harry told me. I cry silently the whole time. I grab the towel and clean my wrist. I run the towel under water then put it on my wrist because it stung under water and put a bandage around my wrist. I put the towel in the washer and go to bed still crying. Stupid words. Your wish is complete Harry, I thought before falling into a deep sleep.

****************************************************************************************************************

It has been 2 weeks since I had made those first 5 cuts and I'm ashamed to say I haven't stopped since then. I make 1 every night when I can. I have 16 cuts on my wrists, 8 on each. No one has noticed, I don't always wear long sleeves but I wear braclets to cover them. I still act and look the same during the day, it's just when I'm alone when it shows that I'm messed up.

Work was still amazing I have done 3 concerts now and finished my album today! I'm super happy about that. I sing about relatable things, not much about happy ever after though.

Harry still hates me, that hasn't changed. He calls me things sometimes, like slut, which I find really stupid I have had 1 boyfriend my whole life and it was Nick, who wasn't even my real boyfriend. I believe the other things he says though...

"Jewel..." I hear Louis ask quietly. He has been super nice to me. I think he knows what Harry does to me, but he doesn't know what I do about it.

"Yeah Louis?" I say same volume as him.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"No but it's okay Louis." I say.

"Uh I got you something..." He says handing me an envelope. I open it.

"Louis..." I whisper crying. "Thank you!"

"I thought you might want to visit your family and friends and.... get away from Harry Harsh for a while." He says smiling sympatheticly.

"Thanks Louis." I say hugging him.

****************************************************************************************************************

"Ben!" I yell as I run and jump on him, hugging him.

"Jewel, I missed you. You are doing really good in buisness, even people at my school are super proud of you." He says smiling.

"I missed you too." I say as we walk to his car. The drive was fast.

****************************************************************************************************************

"Jewel!!" I hear 2 people shout.

"Lily! Brody!" I yell hugging my bestfriends.

"I missed you!" All three of us yell at the same time, then all burst out in laughter. I missed this, having laughs with friends.

I'm staying in Canada for a week. It has been 6 days. I visited all my friends and Ben and my favourite places and the only thing I had left was my  parents' graves. I know I forgot to mention it but I actually have been through a lot. They died in a car accident. It was raining and someone hit them, they skidded off road, I was with my friends. I live with Ben and if he stays at school at Lily's.

****************************************************************************************************************

"Hi Mommy, hi Daddy." I say crying. " I did it!" I say crying and laughing at the same time. "I'm a famous singer, like I always wanted..." "I don't know if I want it know though." I say laughing coldly. "You see there is this boy I really like, but-" I laugh coldly again still crying. "-he hates my guts!" "I did really bad things Mommy... I found a poem about so I want to read it to you." I say crying harder.

she paints a pretty picture
but this picture has a twist
her paintbrush is a razor
and her canvas is her wrist

she paints her pretty picture
in a color thats blood red
while using her sharp paintbrush
she ends up finally dead

her pretty pictures fading
quite slowly on her arm
the blood is not racing through her
and she can no longer do harm

she painted her pretty picture
but her picture had a twist
you see her mind was the razor
and her heart was just her wrist

"Mommy I did it..." I say finally breaking down. "Why did this happen to me!?" "I bet they were thinking real hard... Look at her, you see her dream came true, lets make her crazy or cut or how about give her an eating disorder. She can handle it!" "But she can't! I can't! I can't, I can't, I can't!" I yell crying really really hard, and that's when I lost it. I need to go back to London right now! My family can't see me like this. I let it all out!