Sorry, I love you

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"Harry!" Liam yells to Harry in the living room.

"What?" He says.

"Did you tell Jewel that we're-" Liam starts.

"No!" He yells nervously.

"You need to tell her!" Liam yells.

"What did you need to tell me?" I ask finally entering the room.

"Harry just tell her." Liam says before leaving the house.

"Uhh, Jewel me and the boys are going on tour, for a month." He says.

"What... when?" I ask.

"Today, in 20 minutes." He says looking down.

"Why didn't you tell me before." I ask upset.

"I didn't want to upset you. You have been having such a great time with dancing, modeling, singing and all the concerts, meet and greets and interviews. I didn't want to make you do all of that when you were upset." He says sadly.

"You should have told me Haz." I say.

"I'm really sorry. I was stupid." He says.

"Yeah." I say holding in my tears.

"I have to go... I love you." He says.

"Love you too." I mutter walking to my room.

****************************************************************************************************************

"Jewel, you sure you don't want to go with us." El says over the phone. All the girls were going out.

"Yeah I'm sure. Have fun for both of us." I say into my phone. I was laying in my bed.

"Okay bye Jewel." She says before hanging up.

I get off my bed and walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I looked horrible, makeup smudged, red blotchy face, messy hair and pyjamas. I hadn't gone out since Harry left last week. I still had 3 weeks to go and I didn't know if I could last that long. I was on Twitter and saw a bunch of hate.

"Kill yourself!" "Harry is happy to go away!" "He's just with you because management told him to!" "Slutty whore!" I pulled a classic Harry move and looked for it, since I already felt like crap I didn't think I would be affected. I was very wrong. I cried for hours. I finally get off my bed and go back to the bathroom. I go through the cabinet and find my old friend, my razor. I slit my wrist twice on each for the four comments that got me most.

I clean up my wrists and stop my tears. I go to my room and start singing the song that I always felt I related to, Breathe me by Sia.

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,

Yeah I think that I might break

I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

I sit in my chair and think over some of the other Tweets that I was sent.

"You are so fat!" "Harry can do so much better!" "You can sing but if I have to look at you! Puke!" "Stay away from the boys! Your ugly will spread!" "Cut yourself!" "Anorexia is here for a reason... Jewel Kendrick!" "Bulimia is ment for some people! *cough cough* Jewel."

I absolutly lose it after that. I run to the bathroom and gag myself for the first time ever. It felt... really... good. I rinse my mouth aftre empty my stomach and go back to my computer. I write a Tweet and reread it.

@Jewel_Kendrick: I hope you guys are happier the next time you see me in public.

****************************************************************************************************************

"Jewel! What is your Tweet about?!" Harry shouts into the phone, his voice full of worry.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Go back to rehersal." I say.

"Um, okay bye! I love you." He says.

"Bye." I say then hangup.

****************************************************************************************************************

I decide to not have lunch or dinner and go to bed after I come home from filming, a shoot, a dance practise and writing a song in my freetime. I go to sleep crying myself to bed. People say I love haters, I know I do, not eating, puking and cutting was helping me stay distracted.

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