Wind's Calling

Malicious Thought

The laugh wasn't hers but she could feel it rumble in her chest as it slid past her lips. Her hands were drenched in the black ooze that flowed from the hallow, her zanpakuto nearly all black as it stained the wrappings of the hilts in her grip. She wanted to wake up, the screams and the begging for mercy beginning to haunt her. What part of her was so malicious she had to do something so in humane to sate it? It wasn't just a rage but something rooted much deeper in her core, something darker.
There was still her own pain, her skin feeling as if it was burning in the cool breeze. Her head rose as she screamed out, the pain forming into a white ball before releasing. The beam tore through another hallow before dying out again. Wasn't that a sero? Did she really just use a hallow's ability so easily?

(Y/n) grasped at the closest thing, sweat coating her skin and tears coming from her eyes as she struggled to keep a hold on herself. The paperwork under her hands was now wrinkled, a sentence trailing off with the ink. When had she fallen asleep? It was what she was trying to avoid. It was crumpled further and thrown, her body craving to make an impact on something.
The fact the paper did make contact with someone's face when the door opened eased it slightly before her already tense body became rigid. A woman in a captain's coat watched the paper fall before looking up with a soft smile. "I see," she sang.
"Forgive me, I- I didn't mean to," (Y/n) apologized quickly as the Captain picked the paper up.
"You don't seem well, Yamamoto. No one warrants your fangs to be barred at them currently," she motioned at (Y/n) and the (e/c) girl looked to her hands slowly. Why was she holding Kamaitachi at the ready? "Maybe I should come back later."
"No- no," (Y/n) felt guilty, her insides growing heavy as she straightened out the papers and sheathed her zanpakuto. She needed company after the dream, craved to feel something normal after that all consuming pain and fear. "What can I do for you, Captain Unohana?"
"I came to invite you to join the woman's club," she hummed. "You haven't really socialized and some of the ladies felt it would be a good thing for you." (Y/n) motioned to the seat in front of her, nodding slowly as she mulled the invitation over.
"I mean I guess? I don't know what I could offer," she replied. "I learned some things from the world of the living but there's nothing much else I can bring-"
"Did you fall asleep here," Unohana placed the slightly straighter document in its place when she took a seat. She was an elegant woman and (Y/n) admired her for it. Just the way she sat was graceful and proper and (Y/n) compared her own posture to it.
"Yes, I must have been more tired than I thought," she nodded slowly and sat down herself.
"I see," Unohana nodded. "Do you sleep regularly at home by any chance? I realize you haven't been back for long and you must still be adjusting to the work again." (Y/n) didn't know how to respond as she sat quietly. She had been trying not to sleep and it was why she had so much paperwork to go through.
The dreams were there every time she closed her eyes and even now her hairs were sticking up on end. She was tired but the dreams were more exhausting than the long hours.
"I haven't been home," she confessed quietly. She forced a laugh, rubbing the back of her neck, "I'm still nervous about sitting down with Captain Yamamoto." The black haired woman stared, the smile faltering on her face as if she knew that was a lie. (Y/n) knew that her grandfather would dig into her without saying a word and he'd see whatever changes she had gone through.
"You seem very different, Yamamoto," she nodded.
"Just (Y/n) is fine, Captain," (Y/n) nodded slowly. She didn't notice Unohana eyeing the mask that was face down on the desk or the fresh blood that dropped from the nose, her own still bleeding.

(Y/n) swung the training sword mindlessly, her thoughts trailing as they often did when she trained. The thought of her firing the sero was scary but what if she could really do it? That would make her an anomaly. It would make her more suspicious than she was now and she couldn't have that. The sword broke at the sound of metal, (Y/n) staring at Shunsui with a blank gaze before smiling awkwardly.
"That's not doing you much good and we both know it," he chuckled. (Y/n) took a deep breath and dropped the wooden hilt, drawing her zanpakuto instead.
"The squad refuses to train with me," she stated.
"Because you look ready to drop," he commented.
"Why is everyone saying that? I'm fine," their shikai connected. (Y/n) didn't bother unhinging them as blade struck blade repeatedly.
"I think you're overworking some, little (Y/n). You're looking frail," he informed her. It irked her, anger starting to develop as she split the zanpakuto into two. Shunsui scowled a bit as her blows became harsher. There were flashes of the sands and (Y/n) felt phantoms of the course material against her skin.
"I am far from frail," she snapped.
"You were having a nosebleed earlier this morning," he sighed. His movements became a bit lazy, a yawn even coming from him.
"Take this seriously," (Y/n) sniffed and pushed him back a bit.
"I will when you do," he responded. He set a blade down and dug into his hapi, pulling the mask out. It made her snap, the third blade dropping and Shunsui's eyes became wider. The air was thick with her spiritual pressure, "What is this?"
The question didn't get to settle, (Y/n) attacking in her panicked rage. How had he gotten the mask? Why did she feel betrayed and left out to dry when he held it? The adrenaline in her caused her to activate shunko, thickening the pressure farther. The mask was important and her gut screamed for her to take it back from the man.
The image of his body mutilated and bloody filled her with a sudden desire for blood and she stopped short, her zanpakuto hitting the ground. The familiar burn of her skin brought on the pain from the white liquid. She choked on the air caught in her throat, her hands pulling at it. She didn't want that, she couldn't believe her mind produced the thought. The mischeviously malicious laugh from her dream filled her head.
"(Y/n)," Shunsui was next to her, pulling her shoulders back and quickly releasing her when she let out a whimper.
"I'm sorry, I think you're right. I'm just a bit tired," she rasped out.
"That nightmare, did you have it again," he asked quietly. He stepped closer and (Y/n) pushed him away glaring at him without meaning to. "I'm just asking."
"That's enough, Captain. I'll go get some rest," she muttered.

It was like she was a child again; small, scared, and tired. The knock on the door was all it took for her to lock herself into the decision. It was a moment before the door opened to the older Yamamoto. It was silent before the old man motioned her in with a gentle pat on her shoulder. The two walked through, sitting in the dining room.
Tea had already been made, two cups poured before her arrival. This was just like him really; to be prepared for anyone to come see him. It was one of the things she hated and part of the tension between them. He loved people, treated them all like family, but could turn his back when they broke the rules. (Y/n) still loved him all the same.
"It took you longer than I thought," he nodded, breaking the silence as they sipped at the tea.
"Grandpa," she mumbled. "I need you to actually hear me." He set his cup down as she twirled hers in her hands carefully.
"What is it, (Y/n)," he asked.
"I don't remember what happened after I left," silence filled the room and her grip tightened. "I woke up in Hueco Mundo a few years ago and found my way to the living world."
He stared at her for a moment before nodding slowly, "You survived. Your will kept you alive and your mind safe from the stress of it."
"A stupid theory I already had and disproved," she muttered. "But now I can't sleep. I'm-" she hesitated, silently putting the cup down. "I'm scared of what I might have done and I don't know what to do."
"You keep living," he nodded. "This fear will be dealt with in time. I have yet to see you fully give in to your fears, (Y/n)." It was silent for a bit longer and he poured himself another cup of tea, staring down at it. "Is that why you didn't return home for all those decades, or when you went to the world of the living?"
She nodded slowly and rubbed at her eyes, the burning making her squint, "I was scared to come home and face the consequences. I have no way of defending myself when asked about my absence. It's difficult enough to try and keep myself in check now." The silence ensued again, (Y/n) fighting off the slew that wanted to take her.
"Prove yourself worthy of your own will," he ordered. (Y/n) blinked in confusion, squinting at him as he blurred. "I will send you to assist those investigating the bounts." (Y/n) sneered, standing up with clenched fists.
"How did you manage to bring work into this," she snapped. "Is that really what's on your mind right now? Fending off any difference to you and the Soul Society?"
"(Y/n)-"
"No," she sniffed. "You can't really be serious right now. I come home to try and find some sort of comfort and you bring up work? I'm not a blind follower, grandpa."
"I want what's best for you," he snapped. "Do you really feel so unsafe you draw your blade?" (Y/n) blinked and opened her hands, the clatter of the blades hitting the floor filling her ears. Her eyes widened as he stared at her calmly.
"I-I'm sorry," (Y/n) muttered. She adjusted her jacket, staring at the black and red material before closing her eyes. She grit her teeth and removed the sheath from her side before placing Kamaitachi in it. She placed it on the table and stared at it with her hands in front of her, "I have become a danger to those around me. I'm just frustrated about it."
"You cannot lose yourself to this fear," he stated. "Not your anger."