Unfortunately Fortunate [Stucky x Reader]

Chapter 25

"Let's get something to eat." Steve says, as he stands up. You slide off of Bucky's lap and sit where Steve previously sat.
"How am I supposed to eat? My stomach is one ball if stress and anxiety."

Steve and Bucky look at you in worry.
"This feels so different from the other mission I was present on. I know we weren't together then, but I didn't feel this... This feeling of wrong."
It takes a few deep breaths to calm down and not make tears fall from your eyes.

Bucky pulls you up with him and hugs you tight. Steve joins from your backside.
"Sweetie, we'll be extra careful. We can't back out like that, but we will be careful, no rushing in without thinking." Bucky promises.
It takes a bit, but you calm your mind enough to not look too anxious. From the inside you still feel petrified for what is about to happen, possibly.

"If you like I could try to see why you are worried this much?" Loki asks carefully. She is still seated on the sofa, unsure what to do.
"You need to use your seidr tomorrow, I can't ask this of you now. I don't want to tire you out because of a feeling I have."
"It won't tire me out, come sit Y/n?"
You let go of Bucky and Steve to sit next to Loki.
"It's okay, go eat something. I'll still be here." You tell them before turning back to Loki.

You hear footsteps move and see surprise on Loki's face.
"I didn't think they'd trust me enough to leave me alone while I will be using seidr." Her voice is vulnerable, filled with emotions.
"I trust you. They trust you to some degree. Of course they will stay close but they won't hover unnecessarily. Okay what do I do?" You ask Loki.

"I first need your permission for what I'm about to do. Have Jarvis record this or something."
"Of course Ms. Laufeyson."
"Thank you Jarvis. Now, Y/n, what I'm about to do is enter your mind. I won't see memories, I won't manipulate anything, I promise. I'm going to track the feeling of unease you are feeling and once I found that source I will look what it is. On that part might be memories, I don't know. I won't be able to control what I'll see there. You will know what I see, I'll make sure that there is a two-way line open between us. Once I found out the source and stuff, I will carefully remove my seidr and we will talk about this."
"Whatever memory you'll see, I don't want other to know about this until I am ready to tell." You sound a bit weak, face pale.
"Of course. I will not tell anyone. I promise."

You nod and look at a Loki, "I give my permission."
Loki has a soft smile on her face, carefully bringing her hand to your the sides of your head.
"You can hold my shoulders or arms if that is more comfortable for you." Loki's voice is lowered and calming.
You bring up your arms and hold her shoulders.
"Are you ready?" She asks.
"Yeah."
"You might feel my seidr enter. Don't fight it. Just let it pass. I promise I won't look at anything else. Your mind is your own."
You take a deep breath and answer in confirmation that you are ready.

It feels like a warm comfortable feeling goes through your head. You focus on that feeling, allowing it to pass. Your surroundings fall away, too focussed on this feeling. It's weirdly soothing.
You feel Loki searching for a while, until the searching stops, giving you some time to adjust. There are no words spoken, yet this feels as if Loki is saying, 'take a breathe and then we'll continue here.' so you do as the feeling says.

And the memories start. Your breathing stutters at what you see, the pain of these memories. Of what happened, the origin of your gift. You relive everything, with Loki watching. It takes a serious amount of willpower to just let Loki pass deeper and deeper to find the clue.
A golden threat appears. The feeling like a calming wave of silence and comfort in the mids of chaos and pain.
It's your two boyfriends, your relationship with them, the strong bond you have with them both. The memory of last night. You should feel embarrassed that Loki sees but there is no judgement, no teasing, nothing.

Loki follows the thread down, until it finds the base. At some sort of... Door? There is no better description than it being a door to the outside. The thread splits in two there. Still very much connected.
A feeling of surprise that isn't your own before you feel like it is an ending. And then a retreat. Memories shifting passed fast until you feel that you are alone in your mind again.
Tears on your face, is what you feel first, then Loki who is hugging you close.
At last sound comes back to you. You are sobbing in Loki's shoulder. Loki herself is sniffling, trying to not cry.
You hear people nearby but you are not yet ready to face that.
"You're strong. I won't tell anyone, but know that you are so strong." Loki whispers to you.

It takes a bit for you to calm down again and face reality.
"I'm okay again." You say.
"You're not, darling, but you will be." Loki says as she lets you go.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" Steve asks. He sounds close. You turn to his voice and see him sitting down next to Bucky in the sofa opposite the one you are seated on. They look worried.

"I'm fine now. I'm sorry I worried you. It... I... I was reliving some memories I kept locked up tight. But I'm okay now."
You turn back to Loki, "do you have a verdict?"
Loki smiles and nods.
"Yes I do."

A/n: any else having trouble with Wattpad? I tried to post this chapter for 10min straight. Nothing worked so I just copied everything, closed the app and reopened it to make a new chapter and copy/paste the whole text here in hopes that I'll be able to publish it now...